stormy afternoon

you think about your life a little differently when you have a child to protect.

there were some major storms in the raleigh area this afternoon.  we'd planned to be at the local fair grounds at the arena today for a roller derby bout after we purchased a living social deal several months ago.  when the weather forecasted strong/severe storms today i thought it would be fun to hear the rain on the roof of the arena, and possibly see some lightning in the large windows.  i had no idea how severe the storms would be.

when we were seated at the arena the announcer explained the emergency procedures in case they'd have to sound the storm sirens.  everyone listened, but sort of brushed off the procedures and was ready for some roller derby action.  about 10 to 15 minutes into the first bout the sirens went off.  my heart skipped a little beat and we jumped into action.  we calmly went downstairs (into what i called the bunker) which was the basement under the arena.  it all seemed sort of silly since we did not really know what was going on outside.  will checked his droid and pulled up the weather, but aside from a tornado warning, we really did not know the full extent of what was happening.

after about 30 minutes of waiting it seemed to just be annoying to be trapped in the humid bunker waiting to be let back upstairs.  then - out of nowhere - a man came through the hallway yelling:  "if/when we tell you to get down and face the well, you'll need to get down on your knees, face the wall, and tuck your head!"  things started getting a little more real at this point.  before we knew it, he was coming back down the hall telling everyone to get down and get into position.  while i was nervous, i was not really scared and felt a sense of calm come over me.

however, what i was scared for was a couple that was crouched down beside us with their infant son.  the mother laid him on his blanket, pressed against the cinder blocks, covered him with another blanket, and held her husband's hand as they pressed their bodies as protection over his.  you never really value your own life like you value it when you're caring for another living being.  i prayed that God would protect this little baby, and protect this family.

luckily, after 50 minutes of time spent in the basement the storms had passed and we were allowed back up into the arena.  our nerves were rattled, but the roller derby went on, and everyone in the arena appeared to be unscathed.  however, many other people on the south east coast were affected by these extreme storms today, and we offer up prayers for all of those who have suffered and continue to suffer the effects of this severe weather.

so be sure to kiss your little ones tonight, and be thankful for every single precious moment.

oh yeah - bargain!

i love a bargain.  i love being prepared.  so, when i find a bargain item that is on the list that helps me work towards being prepared for the arrival of the baby - i am on cloud 9.

today we had to stop at our local harris teeter to pick up some prescriptions.  since this store opened, they've opened a store that is even closer to our house, but it does not have a pharmacy - so we no longer shop in this grocery store itself, but just stop here to get the meds on our way to and fro.  this afternoon i decided i would just check for earth's best size 1 diapers while we were in the store because i had not previously looked at this specific store location.

i am pretty good at knowing when i see a "clearance" tag at ht, and i knew from the moment i saw the tag on the shelf that we were on to something good.  sure enough, the size 1 earth's best diapers were clearanced from $11.99 to $5.99 per package!  i looked at husband, he looked at me, and he said - "i'll go get a cart!"  i stood there and put the stock pile i had started to grab back on the shelf and waited for him to return with the cart.  he got there and we wiped out the shelf. 

7 packs of 44 diapers is 308 diapers for $42, which works out to about .14 cents per diaper!  we know all of these diapers will come into use when we're working with a newborn until they are out of that meconium stage before we pull out the cloth diaper arsenal!

(amelia is amazed at the leaning tower of diapers)

celebrate good times

we're all about the celebrating!  we just got word tonight that ALL of our paperwork has been received for our profile and that we are set for our first home assessment appointment for april 29th at 9am!  we are so excited to be moving on to the next phase of our adoption journey and cannot wait to see what God has in store for us next!

we feel it's really important to celebrate every milestone along our adoption journey.  we've waited so long to build our family that we get excited about every stage.  we purchased the champagne to have when we completed our paperwork and mailed it in, but never got around to opening it.  tonight when i told husband what the agency said, he said "can we open our champagne"?  gotta love him!

a peacefulness

we are so excited.

we knew this Bethany seminar today was something we were looking forward to, and for a month we've had it on the calendar - and were getting excited about it. we drove into asheville last night and arrived around 1am. at one point i swore that i looked over at will and he had his eyes closed, but he promises he did not - keep in mind he was driving. at the next exit he got off the interstate and i drove the rest of the way into town. the dogs were excited to be out of their crates, and we were excited to try and get some rest. neither one of us could sleep. the doggies settled in and iliana snored, like usual, for the entire night (laying right in between will and i with her head on my pillow). we both felt like a kid the night before Christmas, full of anticipation about what was about to occur the next morning.

(close up of the bracelet my mom mailed me last week to remind us that my family was thinking of us today.  just so happened that it is "Bethany" green.)

i jumped out of bed at 6:40 this morning, which if you know me is VERY early for me. i am not a morning person. but, just like on Christmas, i was ready to go. we showered and primped and made it out of the house by our targeted 8am. my allergies were atrocious and we had to stop and pick up some allegra, then will needed a coffee, and then he was afraid we'd run out of gas. the garmin told us we'd be at the church the seminar was located at around 8:46 when we first got into the car, and by the time we conducted our pit stops it was telling us 9:00. the seminar started at 9:00.

i am not a person who is early to visit friends and we are rarely on time, but if we have something important to tend to we like to be early. very early. this was not happening today. however, we did accomplish all of those tasks and still manage to make it to the church by 9:00. when we arrived we were not sure which door we should enter. another couple was looking for the seminar and we all made our way through the doors at the same time to be greeted by our intake coordinator and found our seats in the room with the 20 other couples of adoptive hopefuls.

most all of the employees of Bethany of NC were at the meeting. it was great to put a face with everyone's emails, and to get to know some of these people we've been going back and forth with for months. everyone was friendly, warm, and welcoming. we knew before we got there that we'd made the right decision, but this meeting reconfirmed everything. we watched some videos about adoption, listened to a slide show presentation, and chatted about openness (and it's advantages), and we listened to the area social workers tell us personal stories about placements they'd been involved with and one social worker's own adoption journey. everyone is involved to "find families for babies, not to find babies for families". we'd never really thought about adoption this way, at least not in those exact words, and it really helps to focus your perspective on things.

a break for lunch happened around 11:30 and we headed out to find some food and discuss everything that we'd been informed of to this point. we found a restaurant "tupelo honey cafe" (which i'd read about previously on yelp) and settled in for some chatting and some good southern food. we talked about how right everything felt, and how i just wanted to bust into tears because i could hardly contain my excitement. at one point in the presentation we were shown a real tear jerking video, and they warned us that we'd all be crying before it was over. they were right. i handed will the tissue box that was on our table before the video began, just in case he needed it - and he did. we felt so comfortable, so sure, so right. we've said it a million times throughout our ginormous set of profile paperwork, but it took us a long time to see God's path to building our family, but we know more and more every single day, every single hour, every single minute, every single second - that this is the path that God has laid before us. we left lunch happier than we were when we even began.

after lunch we went back into the same room and were eager to listen to the adoption journeys of 7 people (or families) who'd been involved with adoption. one couple had just received placement of their newborn son just 2 months ago, one mother had adopted her two sons via embryo adoption, another couple had adopted domestically and transracially, another mother had a painful failed adoption before her final adoption match, another couple had adopted internationally, another lady had been the "interim" caregiver for over 60 infants in her 12 years of working with Bethany, and the person who impacted our day the most was a birthmother who'd placed her child in an open adoption less than a year ago. each of these people (or couples) were so excited about sharing their journeys and telling us how they got to "the other side of the table". their emotions were fresh and raw, if they felt like crying - they cried.  if they felt like joking - they joked.  it was helpful to see the reality of the process and feel how other people felt before, during, and after.  you often think of what it will be like to be on the completed end of the adoption journey, but it's another thing to hear about it from so many angles, vantage points, time frames, and from so many perspectives.

after listening to all of the journeys we participated in a question and answer session. this was the time to ask any question that you could think of to try and get more information. each couple had one of their questions written on a white board and the social workers took time to carefully answer everyone's questions, and left no stone unturned. the seminar was supposed to wrap up at 4:00, but some couples still had questions, and the social workers stayed until everyone was satisfied. we stayed after questions were answered and the couples planning on pursuing international adoptions broke off into a separate group. we met up with the social worker that handles our "zone" and introduced ourselves. we're excited to be working with someone who is so knowledgeable, so skilled, and so passionate about finding families for babies.

we exchanged contact information with the couples on either side of us and hope to walk with them on their adoption journeys. both couples are also pursuing domestic infant adoption, and we're excited to meet up with anyone we can in this process. our next seminar is april 26th and will be held at our local office, instead of the arden area. at this seminar we will learn more about transracial adoption and creating our profile book. we hope to have more one on one time with these and other couples who were there from durham, raleigh, and cary to have more people to partner with on this journey.  we are eager for this next phase and enter it with a sense of peacefulness like neither of us has ever known.

weekend at the beach

we are so grateful for a relaxing weekend at the beach. 

we just got home a little bit ago from spending time with some friends at their beach house on bald head island, nc.  we made our way to and from the island reading one of our adoption books on the kindle.  we are so thankful for the time we had together to discuss all of the topics that were raised that we had not yet thought of, and the ones we wanted to further delve into.  we stayed up late on friday night just talking about how we will handle things when (and if) they arise.  saturday morning we had a long walk together on the beach, just cherishing our alone time together, and then saturday afternoon and evening we enjoyed everyone else's laughter and the fun on the beach.  the time to rest and relax before the big seminar in asheville this friday is just what we needed!

the morning walk on saturday was so amazing, since the weatherman had been calling for rain for the entire weekend.

since we're saving all of our pennies for our adoption, we've not planned any vacation time this year, so this trip meant a lot to us.  we love the beach, and do plan to make some day trips this summer, but nothing is like a morning walk or a sunset evening on the beach!  we're so thankful we had this time!

paperwork - the final chapter

with the paperwork finally done, i've just got to unload this.

every time someone asked us how the paperwork was going we gave them a bit of a sigh and explained how lengthy the paperwork was, how open ended the questions were, and how much thinking was required before you could just jot something down.  because of our relaying the magnitude of pressure we were feeling in sort of griping about the quantity of work we had in front of us, i think we negatively impacted people's thoughts and judgements about the paperwork requirements.

we're sorry if we've done this.

let us go on record as saying this - we are blessed to have been given the opportunity to have had the experience of answering all of the questions we had to answer on the paperwork.  husband and i feel like we grew so much, just by getting to share our answers with each other when we were done, and that even though it was long, it was difficult, and it was time consuming - that we are in a better place now for having thought about these questions and really found out where our hearts are.

it was sometimes hysterically amusing to listen to each other's answers when our own sides of the paperwork were done.  some of our answers were so similar i am afraid they will think we copied each other, and then some answers are on the same path - but they got there in such a different manner that it's hard to see how we've ended up in the same place on the map.

completing this paperwork, and adoption in general is something that we are honored and blessed to be a part of.  please do not ever look upon us with pity because we "have to do all of this paperwork, jump through all of these hoops, read all of these books, or go to all of these classes".  we are more prepared to be parents now than we've ever been in our lives, and if it was not for this exact path, we would not be so ready as we are right now.

cheers

we worked diligently and finally got all of the family pre-assessment paperwork completed and into the mail at the fed ex office.  we'd decided that we'd head to our favorite mexican restaurant to celebrate, but when we got there we found it was closed on sundays.  a look up of our favorite sushi restaurant nearby told us that they did not open for another hour and a half.  drat!  with limited options available at 4pm on a sunday we elected to head to the cheesecake factory for some sure fire delicious celebratory drinks and good food.  nothing was going to ruin this moment!

cheers!

smart momma class

somehow i was the expectant parent with the most diaper knowledge at last night's cloth diapering seminar. it felt good to know that all of the reading, questioning, and chatting with folks had paid off. the seminar was informative and the owner of the store went through every brand of cloth diaper that she sold. i learned some things i had not previously heard of and also confirmed that i'd like to add some fuzzibunz to the stash.  fuzzibunz seem like they will work well for nighttime use because of the super absorbent polar fleece - which makes them super fuzzy inside - and the adjustable elastic legs!

here are the tidbits i picked up last night:
-  we will need a pail (with lid) and two washable liners to store diapers waiting for laundry
-  for first time washing you must wash and dry the diapers for the number of cycles listed - just washing 5 times, does not complete the purpose of the cycles.  the drying after each wash must be a part of it.
-  you should not use chemical creams such as "desetin" on babies using cloth diapers as they will create build up in the diaper.  a natural product should be used instead.
-  cloth wipe solution can be purchased or homemade.  here are some recipes:
cloth wipe solutions
-  may seem obvious, but not all "baby" safe detergents are good for cloth diapers.  likewise, not all "cloth diaper" safe detergents are good for all high efficiency washing machines.  however, rockin' green seems to fit both criteria.  i purchased a bag to get started on the laundering of the diapers we have thus far.  our washer is finiky (ge was just here last week for too many bubbles) so we will see how it works out.

i also purchased one more bum genius 4.0 snap diaper because they were on sale.  after the demo i know that those and the fuzzibunz are the ones i want to start out with, and then we can build/evolve as needed.

all you have to do is ask

this week is pretty much the bomb diggity.

had a follow up doctor's appointment today to discuss a medicine i was put on 6 weeks ago and the dr. was like - "oh, no you don't need to come in and have a physical, (for the adoption paperwork) i can just get this information for this general wellness off of your charts." this is excellent because the earliest appointment i could get for us to have physicals was not until april 20th and april 27th. small victory!
then, you know how my diaper confusion and diaper obsession have been going...

well, first off i got an awesome email from a sweet friend k who told me everything i could ever want to know about cloth diapers. i asked if i could send her a list of questions and she said i could. i fired off my list and here is what we get:

• What's your favorite brand?

I personally like Bum Genius and Fuzzi Bunz. I started out with a program through www.JilliansDrawers.com that allowed me to "try" 8 different brands for 30 days and send back what I didn't like. I will list some thoughts on the ones I got.

• Grovia - Good but took forever to dry and the insert was like a pad (didn't cover well)

• Fuzzi bunz - Great

• Kissa luvs - Interesting...the entire inner diaper was fleece. Not sure how I felt about them. Bulky.

• Thirsties - I tried the duo wrap and the regular wrap- didn't love either one. Wraps are bulky for B (her sweet baby) (because he is already so big) and they just didn't fit B the right way.

• BumGenius insert and AIO (all in one) - I love both of these. I prefer the AIO but got the one size fits all to make a more convincing "sale" to my husband.

• Smartipants - I like these as well.

• Is there one that you think works best for nighttime vs. daytime use?

I use Bum Genius, Smartipants, and Fuzzibunz. I have only used Bum Genius stuffed with two inserts for nighttime and have only had it leak once. I think it was my fault actually because it seemed loose the next morning.

• Do you use the same liners in multiple brands, or if you have various brands how do you keep them straight in the laundry?

I keep the liners separate per diaper except I double stuff with Bum Genius liners for all. You get used to telling them apart. BG have a tag, Fuzzibunz has an all white no tag liner, Smartipants has a green thread along the sides. It is NOT a big deal if they get mixed up. Only thing...you don't want to wash natural fibers (hemp, bamboo,etc) with cotton ones. I think it is easier to stick to one fiber of liner....cotton. That way you don't have to worry about it.

• What do you think is the best detergent you've tried?

I have tried Ecos (great) & Biokleen (good). It really depends on your water and your washing machine.

• Do you prefer the diapers with snaps or with velcro?

I prefer velcro because I feel like I get a better fit but now B has been trying to take off the velcro. Honestly if I were starting out I would do snaps. You won't know the difference and they will last longer.

• Do you use disposables or disposable liners or just always the cloth?

I use regular cloth and sometimes a disposable liner. I saw that you have the sprayer. I don't have a sprayer but since you have that you will be fine. Dipping the diaper in the toilet seems to work fine for me but the sprayer will get off everything you want it too.

• Do you have a wet bag, and if so where did you get it?

I have a large wet bag that I have hanging in B's bathroom. I dump the diapers and liners in there and then wash all including the bag. My sister bought it for me from http://www.diaperlab.com/.

• Do you use prepackaged wipes, or do you just use some solution with cloth wipes?

I use both. I really like the washable wipes. I have some meltable chips that make the solution but I know there are many homemade cheap recipes online.

• How many diapers and liners do you have?

I think I have 10-12 diapers (will usually last me 2 days) For a newborn I would start with 20-25. I changed B about 12 times in 12 hours in the beginning with disposables. Funny thing about cloth is that they absorb more and you don't smell poop (good and bad!) You can always buy more!

• Do you do laundry every day?

I do laundry every other day. I have never had stains and during warmer weather you can air dry in the sun. Typically I rinse cold, wash warm with extra rinse and then another warm rinse. I then dry on delicate the wet bag and liners. I hang the covers to dry.

cannot thank k enough for all of her great words of experience! i am already feeling less anxious about cloth diapering!

then, just when i thought i was floating - today i got an email from smart momma here in town and was told the following:

"Cloth Diapering Seminar

Cloth Diapering Seminar - New to cloth diapering? Not sure where to begin? This cloth diapering seminar will set you on the path to picking the perfect diapers for your little one and properly using them. It will cover the different brands, hook and loop vs. snap, organic vs. non-organic, and much more! You will leave with a better understanding of the different cloth diapers, how to use them, and the available accessories."

so now i am registered for the diaper class tomorrow!

God is moving mountains!

confirmed - "you can type your answers"

we got such great news today!

the adoption profile paperwork can all be printed out from the computer! 

i know, this is not what you all were thinking would be such great and wonderful news - but to the light at the end of the tunnel - this was a critical piece of news.  i am now officially done with my personal paperwork and just have to fill out one last joint form while husband finishes his personal profile data.

i am not quite sure how people say they've finished all of this in a weekend.  we've agonized over these questions to the point of possibly overthinking them.  i just feel such responsibility to properly communicate the history of my life, the gifts of my parents, the love and strength of my husband, and the hopes for our child that i feel like i have to analzye every word.  hopefully all of the thinking, even if it was excessive, will help our social worker get to know us better.

husband is fastidiously working on his questions and i think he's in the home stretch!  i cannot wait until we get this packet in the mail.  the countdown to the post office is on!

ode to computers

this is a happy husband working on paperwork.  (he does not know how many hours of transcribing are in his future!) 

there are about 100 open ended questions in this final set of paperwork in the profile.  the information gathered here goes into your personal profile and is used by the social worker to prepare for your interview.   i typed up all of the questions from the printed forms we were given so that we could each work on answering our questions and be able to run spell check etc.  mine are done (in word), but i've been working for 11 hours total to get them from typed text into hand written format, and i am only 1/3 of the way through.  you never really realize how much we rely on computers and word processing programs to communicate until you have to hand write something of this magnitude!  (i will not whine about it too much longer, but man oh man, my hand is aching!)

c'est la vie!  pressing on!

cloth diapers

cloth diaper obsessed?

i hope not, but it could be a possible diagnosis.  ever since we decided to cloth diaper i've been overcome with the need to fill the drawers with them.  however, stocking up can be expensive when you're trying to save every penny for the adoption.  i've been monitoring http://www.kellyscloset.com/ for sales and finally found one that got me 5 cloth diapers (including free shipping) for a little over $15 each.  i ordered them a week ago and had been patiently awaiting their arrival.

last night they were hand delivered from the mail box by the hubs who was not as overjoyed as i was to finally have some more diapers in our supply.  (although he probably is happy to have me not be so worried about our tiny supply.)  our good friends d and cathy had given us about 7 starter diapers to help build our stock, but i was still having nightmares of being ill prepared.  i had a dream about a month ago that a baby was placed with us and we brought him (yes, in the dream it was a boy) home but we had no diapers, no bottles, no formula.  we no longer have this situation in our house - we now have some bottles, diapers, and one container of formula.  shew!

clearly we are still only about a third of the way to having enough cloth diapers to really be moving and grooving, but at least we could make it through a day of diapering with what we have now.  i need to get all of these laundered and ready to go, but i think we've got some time for that.

there's a lot to know about cloth diapering and it can seem a little overwhelming.  i feel like i have a complete grasp on why i want to do it, but do not fully understand the "how" it all works despite reading other's stories and talking to others who cloth diaper.  does anyone have any advice on an article, book, or some pointers they can offer?

baby in da house!

it was great to finally see a baby in this house!  it was the first time we've ever seen what a little one would look like in our home, when our friends cathy and steve came over last weekend with their son gus.  when we purchased our home over three years ago we bought it with kids in mind.  we'd pictured children crawling around the wood floors, running around the kitchen island in circles, doing home work at the kitchen table, reading books in the keeping room, and playing in the back yard.  it had been a long time coming to have a little one explore and take the run of the house.

gus amazed us all by strolling around the main floor with anything he could get his hands on to help him push the laps.  they brought his activity table and he used that as well as books to speed around the living room, pass by the kitchen, into the keeping room, back through the kitchen, into the dining room, and then all the way back to the living room.  he was going at a good clip!  it was so great to see him enjoying the space, and to confirm that it was going to be lived (one day) like we'd intended.

gus is a happy baby.  he's content with the toys he has and is always smiling.  he only fussed once he'd gotten too tired to put up with our nonsense any longer.  he appeased our fussing over him, talking in baby babble, being amazed at his walking skills, and just being so happy to be around him.  cathy and steve are great parents to this little fella and its evident in his happiness.

hopefully we'll be taking some pages out of their parenting books and will end up with a little girl or gal running spiritedly around the house soon!  we are so thankful to have found some adoptive parents to learn from, share with, and be inspired by.  we hope our little one and gus will become fast friends one day!

(p.s. - his eyes really are this amazing!)

(p.p.s. - cathy has mad singing skills and totally entertained gus with songs on her iphone.  i am going to have to get one of those, and learn how to carry a tune!)

baby care gurus

tonight was our required infant care class.  so we're gurus on baby care now - right?  we learned how to swaddle, how to comfort a baby when crying, how to burp a baby, change a diaper, how and when to feed a baby, what to feed a baby, how much to feed a baby, what to do when a baby gets sick, how to suction out yuckies, how to take a baby's temperature, what to expect with the umbilical cord, the heat lamps at the hospital, jaundice, circumcision, information on newborn's skin, the difference between choking and just gurgling, and saw some slides of "normal" things you don't have to panic about.

entering the building i was excited that we were there, but nervous about the reactions we'd get when we entered the room visibly not pregnant.  the presenter was boisterous and called across the room to ask us our names, when our baby was due, and what hospital we'd be delivering at.  we called back with our names and the fact that we were adopting so we just did not know the rest of the answers.  we were smiling when we said it.  she came over and told us how great she thought that was and that she knew someone who adopted, but their kids were in their twenties now.  funny how people try to connect.

she admitted early on that she was a lactation consultant and that she could get off on a breast feeding tangent, and she was not kidding.  we learned way more than we need to know about breast feeding - but we do feel like we learned lots of other things that will be helpful.  while we're definitely not experts on baby care at this point, we do feel like we're less anxious now about some general baby care and are eager to read the suggested reading materials to learn even more.

this is the hundred year old building where the class was held.

bronze bird

this baby bird sculpture is one of my favorite possessions.  i purchased him after much deliberation on my birthday in soho in 2008.  he sits on our coffee table in the living room, and i look at him and smile every single day.  i love birds in general, and mostly treasure them for their ability to fly and their chirping.  this little guy reminds me of vulnerability - vulnerability which all of us have, some just more than others.  he seems so helpless as he lays on his back and he often makes me think of how he needs his mama. 

as we prepare for the adoption, and really get into the nuts and bolts of the readings, the answering of questions, and the classes that we need to attend, it reminds me how vulnerable we used to feel about being infertile.  it's not that we never feel sad or never miss that we won't give birth to a baby that will share our dna, but we just don't feel as vulnerable about it anymore.  we feel so comfortable with God's plan to build our family through adoption that we are just no longer fearing the emotions that used to rise up and take over when someone else announced their pregnancy, asked if you had any kids, or wanted to tell you how they thought you could get pregnant.  we're so comfortable in this skin.

i've completed my first run through of the seemingly complex questions of what makes "adri".  now it's off to type up and contemplate the questions regarding transracial adoption that include all of the "what if" questions.  once i have been through everything once, i will run back through it all to make sure it reads like i intended and get it all written onto the original copies.  i asked hubs if he thought he would have his portion of the paperwork done in a matter of hours because he is so amazing at communicating on paper, and he smiled and assured me he would.  there is no way he will have to ponder over this as long as i have - but at least we will both feel good about what we've got when we're done.

processing the processing

the paperwork process for adoption is so time consumptive, so physically and mentally draining, and such a personal investment.  we received our final set of paperwork this past week and have taken time to read through every question being asked of us, and are attempting to both individually think about how we will best answer each question we've been presented with.  it's hard for me to feel comfortable answering so many questions that are open ended and "what if" based.  i am a straight shooter and i try not to think about the "what if" part of life very often.  i used to do it when i was younger, but i just found myself getting worked up for nothing, or regardless not feeling anymore prepared.

i know these worksheets are designed to help you think about situations so that you won't be surprised by anything and so that you will be able to protect your family in the best way possible.  it's just hard for me to know what i really would do "if" something happened.  i will be thinking, and thinking, and thinking about this some more until i can commit to something on paper.

the other thing that plagues me is a brief paragrpaphical description of myself.  maybe i am too complex, or i think i am more complex than i actually am, but i think its hard to sum adri up in a paragraph.  i am going to have to think on this to really communicate what i best think generates a picture of the person i am. 

my mom asked me 48 hours after we'd gotten the final paperwork if we were done.  i got really defensive and fired back at her that "we'd just received it" and it's "so complex" that there is no possible way we could be done yet!  seriously, how could she even ask such a thing?  maybe we're over thinking all of this, and we just need to sit down and write the first thing that comes to mind.  i just think that would be making too light of something that is so powerfully important.  so, we read, we reread, we sit, we ponder, we get up from the table, we have mini conversations, we think some more, we go somewhere, we chat about it in the car, before we fall asleep, we think about it while we dream, and process it all day long until we get just the right things we want down on the paper.

in the heights

in honor of our budget friendly ways we were stoked when we found out we'd been granted two free tickets to see a Tony Award winning musical called "In The Heights" at the Durham Performing Arts Center last night. 

husband and i took full advantage of this generous gift (from YELP) and decided to make it a celebratory night in finding out about the approval the day before.  we agreed we'd find a local restaurant to eat dinner at after the performance.  we got dressed up and headed across town for the show.  when we arrived we were impressed by the theatre and all of the state of the art features, but also by the friendliness of everyone who worked there.  we really felt like this was a special night out!  we found our seats (which were amazing) and got ready for the performance to start. 

when the story began it was told in a little bit of a fast paced rap, which was hard for me to comprehend what the fella was saying, and i later found out that husband had the same issue!  however, by the time we made it through the first portion of the first act we were hooked!  the story about finding your way, and sometimes getting to where you thought you wanted to be and finding out that you were actually on the right track all along was a theme that was all too familiar.  the play featured several couples in love and husband and i would squeeze each other's hands when the people in the story had things work out in the end. 

we're so thankful for the time that we've had with each other over the past fifteen years we've been together.  we're reminded every day to make sure we cherish this time with just the two of us because as our family grows our lives will never be the same.  we look forward to the ways in which our lives will be forever enhanced by the addition of a little one and will never forget all of the wonderful memories we have with just the two of us.

God was speaking

when you know - you just know.  God was speaking to me today telling me that we were going to get good news.  I thought for sure we would be getting an email that would tell us that our formal application had been approved.  so throughout the day today (probably 50 times) i refreshed my gmail to see if we'd gotten anything from our bethany portal.  i talked to my little sister after work and expressed my sadness when the day had come and gone and no email came.  i stopped myself and got into calm down mode since they'd only had our additional information for a few days now, but still i had hope.

husband had to go to a meeting at job numero dos this afternoon and got home a little bit early.  he always checks the mail before coming inside.  he came inside with a HUGE packet from bethany that informed us that our formal application was approved!  we jumped up and down, hugged, cried, and carried on.  i told him i just knew that something was coming today.  i could just feel it.  i think it's true, that when you know - you just know - and when God speaks - hopefully you hear what he's saying.

so now that we have that hurdle behind us, this is what lies ahead of us:

• completing this packet of paperwork below
• attending an infants class
• attending the adoption seminar on april 1st
• reading the book "Raising Adopted Children"
• having an approved home study

we've downloaded the book on will's kindle and are going to start reading it aloud tonight and cannot wait to get through this next set of paperwork.

green and healthy

with the anticipation that a baby will be joining us sometime in the (hopefully near) future, we've regained our passion for eating more healthfully.  we hope to get on the path to good habits before our family goes through the change of routines so these healthy trends will be in place as firmly as second nature.  we go through spurts where we are really good about what we eat, and then we go through a slump where all we want is to consume donuts.  we've switched to purchasing organics (whenever possible) and are attempting to eat our weight in vegetables.  we're continuing to only shop the perimeter of the grocery store - avoiding prepackaged foods and anything that is overly processed.  i've been inspired by other's healthful eating and searching for recipes to incorporate into our diets.

melodie inspired me to try out the smoothie.  i've never had a smoothie before, and its honestly just because i am nervous about all of the sugar that i thought went into them.   her adapted recipe for the "green smoothie" contained no added sugar and seemed like something that my body would tolerate while being diabetic.  inspired by her blogpost: 
melodie's inspiring recipe
i added the needed items to the grocery list and wanted to start this week off right by making a smoothie for breakfast today.

i made my smoothie with the following ingredients:

• 1/3 cup organic frozen blueberries
• 1/3 cup organic frozen raspberries
• 1/3 cup organic frozen strawberries
• 1 cup water
• 2 cups spinach
• 1 banana

just like melodie, i added all of the berries and water to the blender and whizzed it up on the frappe setting.  once that was blended i added spinach - enough to hardly mash the lid back on - and had to pull out a spatula to get it down into the berry mixture enough to blend up the spinach.  once the smoothie turned from a wonderful berry color to an army green, i knew we were blended.  then i broke up the banana and added it to the machine.  i gave it one last frappe and we were done. 

i asked will if he wanted some - maybe just a sip?  he decided he would stick with his kashi cereal for today.  the smoothie was a lot more tasty than i thought it would be.  the overwhelming flavor was the banana, then the raspberries.  the texture of the banana - which put it a bit on the slimy side - was the only thing i was not in love with.  when i make one tomorrow i think i am going to try less banana and replace part of that with some apple or grapes.  i enjoyed my breakfast and drank every last drop!  the blood sugar did not spike like i was worried about and will says he will be brave and test it out tomorrow, so hopefully we're on to something here.

one last onesie for our little one

about a year ago when everyone i knew was having babies i bought a couple packs of onesies and customized them with initials, neck ties, flowers, and the like.  two nights ago i thought i would just dig through that old bin of fabric in the hopes of making some baby toys out of scrap fabrics when i ran across one last onesie in a packet.  i quickly reminded myself what i'd made for others and about getting busy to make some of these types of things for our own baby!  why i never thought of it before, i am really not sure.

so i got to work digging through the bin to see what i could come up with.  i am in love with other's photos of their babies at their one, two, three etc. month birthdays with the onesies with the iron on transfer numbers to denote which month it is.  i often thought when our baby arrived it would be one of the first things i'd add to my etsy shopping cart.  then it dawned on me that i could just create something similar, using what we already had.

i pulled out some felt, thread, needles, pins, cardboard letters, granny's measuring tape, granny's scissors and got to work.

i traced the letters out backwards onto a piece of teal felt.  then, using granny's scissors i cut out each letter individually.

using pins i secured each letter onto the top layer of the onesie and used the measuring tape to get it lined up in the center.

using the coral, red, and buttercream threads i sewed each letter onto the onesie, removing the pins after each letter was in place.

i hope to continue making more of these once the sweet baby darling deer makes their way to us, and we can photograph them each month to document their growing journey.