the waiting, oh the waiting!

new color will focus on green.  crib sheet will be a myriad of colors.

people like to check in on us and they ask us how things are going and what's new on the adoption front.  part of me is happy that they asked because they are concerned and they care, but part of me still gets very irritated about it - not because they asked, but perhaps because they had to ask.  the truth is there's not a blip of anything going on in the radar.  we've got nothing to report, not one phone call, not one situation presented to us, nothing.  see, if we had something to share - we'd likely share it, but there's nothing to share.

waiting is hard.

that's where we were two weeks ago and it precipitated us setting up an appointment with our social worker to discuss where we're at.  we originally felt God leading us to adopt a baby girl and we arranged our profile in that way.  our profile book was geared towards an expectant mother carrying a baby girl in her belly.  our nursery was decorated in shades of light gray, pink, and seafoam.  we had a couple little girly baby outfits, just in case we got a "stork drop call".

however, in the past few weeks God has been changing our hearts.  we know that it is important for us to bring a sibling into our home for dax and to help complete our family.  we know that child should have a skin tone that doesn't match ours, but one that looks more like daxton's.  however, that's our only firm and solid goal.  our goal is no longer to try and only locate a female sibling, but really the sibling that God wants us to have join our family.  if He wants to have us parent a girl, He'll bring us a girl.

our social worker got our profile updated and removed our video from our online set up.  we're working on redoing the nursery so that we can update those photos in our profile book.  we also had to remove sweet iliana's photos and name from our book.  that was hard, but our lives are changing.  we hope to get the photos done and the books printed shortly.  right now we're just waiting on a crib sheet that was ordered to give us a more gender neutral look.

it's good to have something to work on to keep us busy, and at the 11 month mark of waiting we welcome some more activity to be occupied while we wait.  waiting is hard and i don't think we ever thought we ever imagined it could possibly take this long, even though they warned us it could.  we hope that these changes will help to open us up to the right situation so we can continue to grow our family.

God has made it abundantly clear that we are to build our family through adoption.  that is something we have not questioned in the past decade.  and in that calling we know that He will provide another child for us to love, but sometimes our flesh is weak and we are impatient.  we continue to ask for your prayers as we endure this season of waiting.  we know that the wait, regardless of how long it may be, is a necessary part of our life that will get us to the point where we parent this special placement.  thanks for being with us in this wait.

lauren daigle continues to really help me keep focus:

"Letting go of every single dream
I lay each one down at Your feet
Every moment of my wandering
Never changes what You see
I’ve tried to win this war I confess
My hands are weary I need Your rest
Mighty Warrior, King of the fight
No matter what I face, You’re by my side
When You don’t move the mountains I’m needing You to move
When You don’t part the waters I wish I could walk through
When You don’t give the answers as I cry out to You
I will trust, I will trust, I will trust in You!"
 

searching for bliss

It is with great excitement that we announce the commencement of our second domestic infant transracial adoption process!  We've recently been pre-approved and have now submitted our formal application with Bethany Christian Services.   While the initial paperwork chase will be less time consumptive, the wait for a second child may take longer.  Our family has decided to seek a baby girl, which could again delay the search time.

We will be creating a profile book using photos of our family get togethers and other special memories with Dax to "show off" our family to any expectant parents.  Along with the book we'll also be working on some fundraising opportunities to help fund the process. We would appreciate your help in sharing the word!

 Fund raisers include:

·          Custom Designed T Shirts & Other Merch

·          Etsy Store - Hand Made Goods & Art Work

·          Mommy's Freckles - Children's Book

·          Amazon.com - Affiliate Link

·          Donations

God has entrusted us with a special gift in being adoptive parents and we look forward to seeing how He expands our family through future adoptions. We cannot thank you enough for being a part of our lives, praying for us, and helping us continue our journey to build our family as we search for Bliss.

www.searchingforbliss.org

With Love,

Will, Adri & Dax

"is that your kid?"

 

we go a lot of places, but mostly hang out in our home town - near home base.  its hard to go too far working between naps, and daxton is a boy who cannot get off is schedule.  however, we've recently been jumping into action as soon as dax wakes up from one nap and going downtown to raleigh on the weekends to check out various things.  two weekends ago we went to see the food truck rodeo (hoping to expose dax to even more sights, sounds, smells, and flavors than he's seen/tasted so far) and then this past weekend we headed down to go to a large city owned park. 

while we are out and about we don't normally have people comment to us about dax being (clearly) adopted, but people do tend to smile a little longer than normal, look a little more tenderly than they previously did, and to exclaim how adorable they think dax is.  while we don't normally run into conversations directly related to race, we were certainly prepared that this day would come.

scene 1

cast of characters
kid (approximate age 7)
will
dax

kid:  hey, is that your kid? (pointing to dax)
will: yes (thinking where is he going with this)
kid:  he's cute! (runs off)

scene 2

cast of characters
kid (approximate age 5)
adri
dax

kid:  what's wrong with his eye?
adri:  one of his eye lid muscles is too long so it won't lift his eyelid up like yours or mine.  when he's bigger he will have surgery to help lift it a little so it won't affect his sight.
kid:  okay (runs off)

i think both will and i were taken off guard to be having (seemingly (in our minds) heavy) conversations with these curious little minds, but also relieved that they didn't go much deeper than the visual surface.  the conversations were blunt and to the point.  the kids asked exactly what they needed to know without any hesitation. they were pure and innocent questions and had nothing behind them other than what was asked.  as kids grow they start to put two and two together and look for answers about why things are the way they are.  we were glad we could satisfy their curiosity enough that they both felt comfortable running off to continue playing with other kids, but hope that even in these brief interactions they were able to see that things and relationships being "different" are just 100% absolutely perfectly totally fine.

first haircut

we've tried to get this done several times before today, but it just never seemed to work out.  we weren't in too much of a rush to make it happen, so when we ran into failed attempts to make an appointment, rainy weather, or a lack of ideas on where to go get it done - we just let it rest.  however, little man's hairdo was getting a little out of control.  we love the mohawk, but some parts of the hawk were about 75% longer than others, and it was just not rockin' like it used to be.  so, we bit the bullet and yesterday i called an made an appointment.

when i called i told them my son needed to come in for his first haircut, told them he was aa, and told them he had a mohawk.  the receptionist assured me that "nicole" was great with curly hair and could handle it no problem.  appointment set for 10am saturday.  then, this morning at 8:35 we get a call from "nicole" who says she was just told about the mohawk and she was not sure she could "handle" it.  i told her i appreciated her letting us know and that we'd pass on the appointment.  back to the drawing board.

a friend referred me to a dominican salon back before Christmas and we tried about 20 times to call them during the month of december and never got an answer, so we had given up on that place.  however, this morning - i tried again.  a fellow answered the phone and i told him we needed an appointment to have my son's hair cut for the first time and wanted to know if they had anything today.  he said it was not necessary to make an appointment and to come in "at any time" and let me know they closed at 9pm.  great!

so, we loaded dax up in the car and headed about 20 miles down town to the salon.  we walked in and the fella behind the desk (seemingly the same dude i spoke to earlier) just stared at us.  we told him we needed to get our son's hair cut.  he said the barber would not be in until noon...  umm, hello?  why did you not tell me this before?  grrr.  so, back in the car we got - me driving and will googling and reading yelp reviews for barber shops in the area.

we found one.  we followed google maps and got to  man-mur barber shop.  the place was straight out of a time warp with two barbers cutting hair just like you would have seen sixty years ago.  dax's barber mentioned he'd been cutting hair for forty years, so we're safe to assume he knew what he was doing.  men lined up waiting for their turn, and after about 5 people went for their turns before ours a man walked in who was 89 years old.  the two barbers cutting hair jokingly told him he should cut some people's hair while he was there.  not missing a beat he hung up his coat, grabbed a drape, and called for the next person.  the men waiting looked around at each other and finally a fella said he'd be brave and let him do his hair.  (i breathed a sigh of relief because i was not sure if this man really knew how to cut hair or what.)  however, after some time passed it all came out that he actually used to be a barber himself and so he did apparently know what he was doing.  finally, it was daxton's turn.

the barber suggested dax sit on daddy's lap while he cut his hair.  dax sat up big and tall and was ready for whatever was about to happen.  the barber asked us how much we wanted trimmed off and we explained we really only wanted a very minimal amount off the mohawk and none off the sides or back, except where there were long patches.  the barber got to work and dax remained sitting still until the razor went towards the back of his head and then he thought that was a little odd, but he just shrugged his shoulders and leaned far forward.  within a matter of about 10 minutes daxton's long locks had been trimmed down to a much more even level.  he did really well and seems to be no worse for the wear.

we'd been nervous to get this done and even chickened out completely right before daxton's birthday party.  we'd read old wives tales that it was bad luck to cut aa baby's hair before one year of age and we never discussed it again.  then, the longer we put it off, the more nervous i became about it.  once you cut it, its gone, and you can't get that baby hair back.  however, it was not nearly as sad or scary as i had made it out to be, and i think the sweet fella looks pretty dapper with his new do.

sunny saturday

we've been blessed with the gift of an open adoption with a birth family that loves and cares for our son.  we recently spent an unseasonably warm december saturday at a park catching up with daxton's biological mother and half-brother.  nobody had to wear a coat and it was so soothing to feel the heat of the sun in the dead of winter.  it was good to see their smiling faces and spend the afternoon chatting with them.  these people have the most brilliant smiles and they're always happy to see us.  it's great to hang out with people who genuinely want to be in your presence.  

dax's bio mom ("L") sat on the park bench with me and we watched all of the boys swinging.  while we were sitting there we shared some pretty deep conversations about our feelings on transracial adoption.  i'm glad she feels comfortable with me and i hope she knows she can always talk to us about anything that's on her mind.  it never ceases to amaze me how wonderful she is.  she's done something i could never do and put her complete trust in total strangers.  while i know the love and devotion we have for dax, for her to trust that and believe in it is something so utterly unfathomable it's just heaven sent.

we chat often about divine intervention and how none of this could have ever come together without God's hand.  all of us know that the pieces of this adoption puzzle were just too far removed for it to have ever fit together without his loving touch.  we're so grateful that He built this relationship for us and know just how special it is.

we thank God daily for this bond we've had and continue to have with her and her family.  we've gotten to know them a little more with every passing month and just hope that our relationship will continue to flourish.  we cherish the time that we get to spend with them and always look forward to our visits.  it's helpful and healing for all of us to reconnect with each other face to face and to reassure any doubts, fears, or worries any one of us might have.  we communicate a great deal by e-mail and a little by text, but a face to face meeting is irreplaceable.

i treasure the time i get to see dax spending with them.  he's comfortable and at peace with us all together.  it's like when you have a best friend, and even though they are hundreds of miles away and you only get to see them once a year - when you get together it's like you don't even skip a beat.  the conversation picks up where it left off.  it's just like that.  it's easy and it's heartfelt and they have a chemistry that's apparent.

for daxton's birthday we worked with "L" to make him a book that was all about her.  we wanted him to have something tangible to tell him about where he came from.  we filled the pages with her favorite poems, songs, colors, foods, pictures, and anything we could think of.  we don't know if our relationship will always look like it does at this moment in time, and while we hope it stays that way, we're not naive to think that someday things might not always be exactly as they are right now.  we'll do everything in our power to keep it the same or better, but know that with time and seasons in life our relationships may change.

we picked out a 7x7 inch book size that's just perfect for tiny fingers, with pages that are sturdy and strong, so that he can flip through it and we can read to him about her anytime he wants.  it's small enough to take wherever he goes and something we hope he will always have.

so we're ever hopeful that our relationship will always be strong and open and we'll always be a part of each others lives.  we hope that our visits and communication will continue to be free flowing and that every passing year we will continue to grow and build upon the strong foundation that we have developed.

6 months

it's been six months since daxton was born.

it's been six months since this sweet boy found his way into our lives.

it's been six months since our hearts grew exponentially with a love we never knew.

it's hard to believe that daxton is 6 months old today! 6 months! that's half a year! how did this happen! 6 months seems like such a milestone, yet i am not ready for my baby to be 6 months old! don't get me wrong - we're excited to see him grow, to watch his ever changing moves, to learn more and more about his personality every waking moment - but time needs to just slow down!

daxton is growing up fast.  he's really into trying new veggies since his beloved squash has been hard to come by.  lately he's been digging into some sweet potato with white bean, green beans with peas, and a couple fruits.  so far he's tested out prunes, mango, and apple.  right now he favors anything orange, so sweet potato and mango are some of his treasured din-dins.  he does pretty well at sitting up in his high chair, but he still gets a little lean going on to the right or left and sometimes takes a slouched back approach.  we prop him back up and then he's good to chow down.

daxton's had some firsts this month. 

he had his first trip to the beach for daddy's birthday.  he got to put his little toes into the sand and the icy cold ocean water.  he was fond of the sand, the sun, and the sound of the waves crashing - but he was not so excited about the chilling coldness of the splashing water.  we tortured him a little by plunging his toes into the crashing waves and he'd yank them back up as quick as he could.  it was cute, but we could only get away with doing it so many times.  he spent the majority of his beach weekend in full on sleeping mode.  we think its because in his room at night he has a sleep sheep that plays crashing waves - it was kind of like the beach was a giant sleep sheep.  he'd hear the waves crashing and he could not resist the sleepies!

speaking of birthday - we had daddy's birthday party.  dax and i made daddy some cupcakes, went shopping for gifts, and even dawned party hats for daddy's big day.  dax picked daddy out some socks with "crabs" on them for his little gift.  daddy loves them and has worn them twice since the party day.  he loved us singing the happy birthday song and thought that was just a hoot.  he hears it at restaurants sometimes, but there was just something fascinating about mommy singing it.  sure, i do hand motions and jumped up and down - but still - its mommy singing.

daxton went to a street festival in our town and got to see a fire truck, some kids doing performance art, and listen to live music.  he stayed awake for a long time and really enjoyed watching the kids dance.  he's fascinated by watching dancing.  his birth mom loves dancing and we hope that he'll try out some lessons when he gets older.  we certainly have no dance skills, so if he can inherit this trait maybe he could teach us some moves.

daxton also learned to flip from back to front to front to back - all the way around in a complete roll!  he surprised himself when he did it, and when i started cheering he lit up with a huge grin.  he loves to hear me make a huge deal about stuff (especially in a high pitched voice), and this was no exception.  he does pretty good at going from one side to another, but not on a regular basis.  when you put him on his stomach he is fine with it for about 15 minutes, but then he reaches his max capacity and if he cannot remember that he's supposed to flip over he'll have a mini-meltdown.  we sometimes have to end up rolling him over to rescue him from his own arm (that blocks his roll).

he'd previously discovered that he can make sound, but not to the extent that he does now.  he loves to babble, coo, and make noise.  he has a high pitched sound he recently discovered and he sounds like a little birdie when he lets that one fly.  he loves hearing himself make noise and loves to hear it on a recording.  we've taken quite a few videos on my iphone and we play them back for him so he can see and hear himself.  he watches them with a fixation like no other. 

he's a sweet boy and he loves to pet on things.  his latest love is rubbing his blanket, the button of his side snap onesie, his daddy's beard, his mommy's hair, and the doggie's face.  he looks at whatever he is petting with a sincere passion and he strokes away.  it's the cutest, sweetest, most adoring thing.

he's also pulling up when you give him your fingers and attempts to pull himself up from laying down into a sitting position.  he cannot hold himself up for more than a few seconds, but we gently lay him back down before he crashes.  he likes sitting up in the bumbo more now.  he used to get an upset tummy every time he sat up in the little chair before, but now he can sit up in the bumbo for about twenty minutes with no problem.  he seems to like being in that upright position, so hopefully soon he will be sitting up with less and less assistance!

daxton also had his first photo shoot.  we'd previously purchased a living social deal and had our family photos taken a few weeks ago.  daxton was good with the camera (he's kind of used to it), but the timing ended up being at a time of day when he was kind of sleepy.  after a little while he just had enough and we had to call it quits, but we ended up getting some good shots and we'll be posting them on the blog as soon as we get the disc!

it's been a busy 30 days!

it's been six months of 1166 diaper changes.

it's been six months of 1175 bottles for a total of 40.9 gallons.

it's been six months of cuddling, rocking, and loving on our boy.

it's been six months of the purest joy you'd ever know.

5 months

it's been five months since daxton was born.

it's been five months since this sweet boy found his way into our lives.

it's been five months since our hearts grew exponentially with a love we never knew.

it's hard to believe that daxton is 5 months old today! what a celebration of Easter to share this day with the resurrection of Jesus! daxton is a big fan of church. he went to church three times in the past three days! we went friday night to watch a play and daxton spent his first 2 hours in the nursery. he did a great job and was only fussy for a minute. saturday he went to an Easter egg hunt where there were over 3,000 children hunting 9,000 eggs! we just let dax watch, but he'll be ready to go next year! today he attended sunday's Easter service and he loved singing during church. i hold him and we sing and dance together. he's not too fond of clapping yet, but we'll break him in!

dax is eating food! so far he has tried brown rice cereal, peas, butternut squash, avocado, and sweet potato. we started with the brown rice cereal and he did a great job with the spoon and getting the cereal into his tummy. the following week we tried peas. dax did not like the peas. at all. period. dax spit them out and not one ounce of peas went into his belly. however, the next thing we tried was butternut squash and he latched on to that in a serious fashion! he's been eating it ever since! he tried a bite of avocado, but he liked that about as much as he liked the peas. just yesterday he had sweet potato for the first time and he liked it almost as much as the butternut squash. he's up to eating about 2oz. of food a day. he does a pretty good job sitting in his high chair, but he is not fond of being strapped in. right now i use a pillow to wedge between his side and the high chair so we don't have to use the harness.

dax's favorite thing to do is to jump, jump, jump in his jumperoo! he'd sometimes like to hang out jumping for upwards of 40 minutes if i'd let him! his feet still don't reach the ground, but we've been using a computer laptop lap desk to boost his reach! now he spins around to play with all of the toys on the deck. he also loves his activity mat. he's got "keys" hanging from the arch that he grabs with one hand, a monkey that he grabs with another, and then a "mirror" he kicks with his feet. he'll lay there and just kick and roll around and be happy for hours!

dax's personality is settling in strong. he's inquisitive and interested. he stares intently for long periods of time - but when something he loves catches his eye he'll smile and giggle. he loves to laugh. he went to the dr. for his rashes a few weeks back and the dr. could not get over his infectious laughter. he makes people smile. the biggest thing we've noticed is how dax helps us connect with others. so many people have spoken to us (to tell us how adorable dax is) that would have never spoken to us before. we've made friends, had the door opened by a stranger, and been given friendly smiles. he's a light in our lives and we're thankful for every minute he shines.

it's been five months of 1025 diaper changes.

it's been five months of 1030 bottles for a total of 34.2 gallons.

it's been five months of cuddling, rocking, and loving on our boy.

it's been five months of the purest joy you'd ever know.

less than a year

in a lot of ways it's completely impossible to imagine that just last year in the month of april we were attending the annual bethany seminar for adoptive hopeful parents.  while we'd filled out our initial application and were gathering things for the final, we were no wear near done or even sure of what we were about to embark on.  the path was never clear, but we just knew that in the end - some how - some day - we'd find the child that God wanted us to parent.

it was such a breathtaking conversation then to fast forward to about a month ago when we were asked to participate on the panel of adoptive parents who'd speak at this year's annual seminar.  i was shocked that we'd have the honor of participating in something so powerful and so important.  i recall many things that were spoken by the panel on the day of our seminar and i was hoping someone would connect with something we stated as part of our journey that might also lead them to adopt. 

we went to the seminar with just some bullet points in mind of things we'd like to talk about.  will and i chatted the night before about what we'd tell and what we'd rather keep private, when each other would speak, and what our signal would be if the other person needed a bail out.  will started talking first and felt comfortable and at ease holding the microphone.  he did an excellent job of conveying our story of infertility, how we got on the same page about adoption, how our hearts were opened to openness with a birth family, and how transracial adoption was never a question that crossed our minds.  we felt comfortable to speak openly and freely about our journey and where it's taken us.

it feels good to have come full circle.  being on the other side of the table, like we were last year we were scared, intimidated, fearful of the unknown, unsure of ourselves, unsure of how this would all work, worried about the finances, worried about how long we'd have to wait, worried about what we'd do to occupy ourselves, but all the while just trusting in God that this was the right way to build our family.  however, being on this side of the table was empowering, moving, broke down barriers that i thought were long gone, helped us reminisce about where we'd come from and how far we had actually come, made us reflect with thanksgiving and gladness, and made our hearts happy that we might hopefully encourage someone else to build their family through adoption too.

my oh my, what a difference a year makes.