the paperwork process for adoption is so time consumptive, so physically and mentally draining, and such a personal investment. we received our final set of paperwork this past week and have taken time to read through every question being asked of us, and are attempting to both individually think about how we will best answer each question we've been presented with. it's hard for me to feel comfortable answering so many questions that are open ended and "what if" based. i am a straight shooter and i try not to think about the "what if" part of life very often. i used to do it when i was younger, but i just found myself getting worked up for nothing, or regardless not feeling anymore prepared.
i know these worksheets are designed to help you think about situations so that you won't be surprised by anything and so that you will be able to protect your family in the best way possible. it's just hard for me to know what i really would do "if" something happened. i will be thinking, and thinking, and thinking about this some more until i can commit to something on paper.
the other thing that plagues me is a brief paragrpaphical description of myself. maybe i am too complex, or i think i am more complex than i actually am, but i think its hard to sum adri up in a paragraph. i am going to have to think on this to really communicate what i best think generates a picture of the person i am.
my mom asked me 48 hours after we'd gotten the final paperwork if we were done. i got really defensive and fired back at her that "we'd just received it" and it's "so complex" that there is no possible way we could be done yet! seriously, how could she even ask such a thing? maybe we're over thinking all of this, and we just need to sit down and write the first thing that comes to mind. i just think that would be making too light of something that is so powerfully important. so, we read, we reread, we sit, we ponder, we get up from the table, we have mini conversations, we think some more, we go somewhere, we chat about it in the car, before we fall asleep, we think about it while we dream, and process it all day long until we get just the right things we want down on the paper.