Sunday, February 27, 2011

processing the processing

the paperwork process for adoption is so time consumptive, so physically and mentally draining, and such a personal investment.  we received our final set of paperwork this past week and have taken time to read through every question being asked of us, and are attempting to both individually think about how we will best answer each question we've been presented with.  it's hard for me to feel comfortable answering so many questions that are open ended and "what if" based.  i am a straight shooter and i try not to think about the "what if" part of life very often.  i used to do it when i was younger, but i just found myself getting worked up for nothing, or regardless not feeling anymore prepared.

i know these worksheets are designed to help you think about situations so that you won't be surprised by anything and so that you will be able to protect your family in the best way possible.  it's just hard for me to know what i really would do "if" something happened.  i will be thinking, and thinking, and thinking about this some more until i can commit to something on paper.

the other thing that plagues me is a brief paragrpaphical description of myself.  maybe i am too complex, or i think i am more complex than i actually am, but i think its hard to sum adri up in a paragraph.  i am going to have to think on this to really communicate what i best think generates a picture of the person i am. 

my mom asked me 48 hours after we'd gotten the final paperwork if we were done.  i got really defensive and fired back at her that "we'd just received it" and it's "so complex" that there is no possible way we could be done yet!  seriously, how could she even ask such a thing?  maybe we're over thinking all of this, and we just need to sit down and write the first thing that comes to mind.  i just think that would be making too light of something that is so powerfully important.  so, we read, we reread, we sit, we ponder, we get up from the table, we have mini conversations, we think some more, we go somewhere, we chat about it in the car, before we fall asleep, we think about it while we dream, and process it all day long until we get just the right things we want down on the paper.


Cat's Litterbox said...

Hey girl... I feel your pain. Obviously, you need to do what's best for you guys, but let me just offer some advice. Just sit down and write. Kick it all out and get as much done as you can and then you give Will your part and let him give you his, and then sit down and discuss any changes you think you should make.

It's a HUGE decision, but... (I can't speak for how BCS uses their paperwork) I don't think what you write is ever shared with an expectant mother. I believe it's for the agency to get to know you better, and to have a starting point for the home studies with the social worker/agent.

We wrote and wrote and fretted about having things be just perfect because, like you, we felt it was not something to take lightly. It isn't... but, you don't need to go round after round with the computer trying to find just the right words. The right words ARE there and you just need to stay prayerful that you are saying what you're meant to say (does that make sense?).

You got to this point because it's where you're meant to be. Let Go, relax, and enjoy the time to reflect. If you don't know how you'd react to something, say, "Until I'm in the situation, I'm not 100% certain how I'd react." Be honest. Be open. Be you.

We can talk more about it on Saturday... can't wait to see you guys and give big hugs and offer as much support as we can!!!

Kierstin said...

I agree with the girl above! They use the info for your homestudy and will discuss a lot of it with you then. It is to get you to think but just think and spit it out-- writing the perfect paper with not guarantee you and quick and perfect baby! ;) Write separately and then read it to each other-- don't discuss along the way or you'll second guess yourself. Just be you!! KEEP IT SIMPLE!!!!! XOXOXO

SassyIfLady said...

Good luck with everything. It doesn't have to be long and drawn out, they just want to get a glimpse of who you are as a person and same goes for your husband. As Kierstin said, they'll ask you about this as well. That document is just you doing some of their work for them :-) I agree...keep it simple! Take care! I'm thinking of you during this busy time!