craft project number 1 - part 1 - burp cloths

thinking to myself that i would save money by replicating something adorable i found on etsy.com, i decided i was going to set out to create my own colorful burp cloths.  it took me weeks, but i ordered all of the supplies and got everything assembled for the craft extravaganza.

i ordered burp cloths (gerber old fashioned cloth diapers) back in april, just knowing i was going to end up working on this task.  i set out then to try and find a selection of colorful dyes, but was unsuccessful at locating these at a local store and ended up having to order these off the internet.  while i waited for that i selected some fabrics for the insets, and even ordered some bias tape to help me finish off the edges.  after a follow up trip to michael's craft store, and the dollar store, i thought i had all of my parts assembled and set out to begin the process yesterday evening.

i got all of my things together and re-read the instructions and found that the dye package was calling for 1 cup of salt.  with 5 colors being prepared here, there was no way i had enough salt on hand, and as a matter of fact  -  i had no salt at all, besides Himalayan sea salt.  blah.  back to the store i went.

after returning home will helped me by filling up all of the buckets and creating an assembly line with buckets full of colorful water, wooden stir sticks for the 30 minutes of agitation each dye bucket needed, black contractor bags to ensure the grass did not end up looking like a rainbow, and 6 pairs of rubber gloves.  i had washed all of the items prior to dunking in the color buckets so they would be free of any color blocking chemicals and would be wet to accept the dye.  i lugged them all outside in yet another black contractor bag and started counting them out and submerging the cloth in the buckets.  it was hot, i was sweating, but i kept with it and in half an hour i had a rainbow of colorful cloths and shirts.

this is where the fun began.  it seems that i forgot that our exterior hose bibs need to be replaced, which left me with no way to rinse the dye from the fabrics once i was outside.  my next bright idea was to put everything back into the contractor bags and carry them all (very carefully) through the house and into the master bathroom shower.  here - i proceeded to rinse fabrics for over an hour.  the directions that say rinse until the water runs clear must be some cruel joke, because no matter what i did, this was not going to happen.  after coming to this realization i then put the fabrics back into their respective bags and carried them to the washer.  starting with the lightest color to the darkest color i washed each of five batches between 9pm and 2am.

holy cannoli!  so much work and this project is not yet complete!  however, i had to share where we stand at this point.  stay tuned for project number 1 - part 2 - burp cloths.

exciting times - we're a waiting family!

lots of amazing things have happened this week! 

yesterday we got a nice little box from blurb.com with our profile books inside!  we decided to go with blurb to create our books because of the ease of using their downloaded program.  we really enjoyed using the software and think the books turned out really well!

we went ahead and requested second day air so we could get everything wrapped up.

we were pleased with the way that the dust jacket turned out. 

we ordered 5 copies of our book.  we wanted one book for our child's library and then had to have four other books for the various offices around the state.

we also got the great news that our web profile was complete! 

it took some major back and forth with the agency because there was some controversy about the original soundtrack music we had picked for our video slide show.  it was thought that we might have to have a copyright release form to use the music and we were unsuccessful at getting the artist's record labels to respond to our requests.  however, after we ended up redoing our video with new music, we found out after the fact that we actually could have kept the first set of music we'd utilized.  in the end, we are happier with the music we have included as the soundtrack for the slide show because it is less distracting and allows the viewer to more easily focus on the content of the video. 

 it's just further proof that:

• everything happens for a reason
• everything happens in God's time
• you may not know why you go through trials, but it always works out in the end

to view us online you can check out our profile by going to:

Will & Adri - Bethany Christian Services Web Profile

we're so excited that we've completed everything that we needed to do to get on the official waiting list!

profile book ordered - check

well - we finally did it. 

we finally ordered our profile book.  it took months of sorting through thousands of photos, finding just the right words, and putting it all together to finally get the book where we wanted it.  after submitting it for approval a little over a week ago we were asked to make a few "small" changes.  i had hoped to get the book ordered a while ago, but getting some of the changes into place took longer than expected - however - it - is - finally - ordered!

now i will just be on pins and needles until the copies arrive so we can make sure everything came out all right in the printing process before we mail them on to Bethany.  everything looked good in the preview and we feel pretty good about the final product - so we wait!

if you'd like to view the inside of the book, feel free to take a "preview" tour at:
finding family

Bethany is working to approve our web profile and putting together our home assessment paperwork. we've gotten multiple clarifications and updates today, so we know everything is in the works! 

next stop - craft projects!

lucky

i found this heads up penny today and it reminded me how lucky i am.

a few reasons i am lucky:

i just returned home from a week in va where i had to go work at my office's headquarters.  i'm lucky to be able work from home and NEVER ever take that for granted.  working from home is a peaceful environment that i have a ton of control over. 

my sweet husband circled the airport multiple times with my darling doggies waiting happily inside until i could get my suitcase off the baggage claim and then waited in the car for another half an hour while i got us some thai food (my favorite) for a quiet dinner at home.

our pastor and his family met us for an afternoon of bowling which helped me settle back into the calmness of life in nc and a focus on something other than work and adoption processes.

our adoption paperwork, video slide show, web profile, and profile book have been turned in for approval.  fingers crossed they will be approved as is and we will officially be done with everything we have to do before being on the waiting list.

home study part III

today was the date of our final home study.  we prepped, we cleaned, we baby proofed, we discussed what we thought was going to be talked about, and prepared for the worst.  we had a damaged exterior window in the garage that we'd been fighting to have repaired for over a month.  we finally had a company agree to come out and repair the window today at 10am.  by 11am they still had not shown up.  will called to check in and see what was going on and was told they were on the way.  by noon we decided that might not have been the situation and by 1pm will called back.  they then informed us they'd call us back in a minute.  when they did call back they determined that i had made a mistake and that they told us they would be there at 2pm, not 10am and that now they were running late.  the social worker was due to arrive at 2:30.  i just knew that this broken window was going to be what would do us in.

our social worker arrived right on time and never said one word about the broken window.  (the window repair company ended up arriving just as our social worker was leaving and will explained to her the story about the window.  i got all worked up about nothing.)  we were nervous that our dogs were going to put on a show and paw her to death, so we elected to hold them during the entire visit.  they both ended up sleeping on our laps.  our social worker did a quick tour of the home, jotted down notes about each space, asked us questions about the rooms, our neighborhood, and how we intended on paying for the adoption.  we signed a quick agreement acknowledging that we understood that they will be as honest with us as possible, but that there are no guarantees in this process.  it was not anything that we were not already aware of and totally made sense.  before you knew it she was saying - okay, so that's it! 

i honestly had a moment of feeling robbed.  seriously?  that's it?  we're done?  yeah, seriously, really, honestly, we were done.  this entire home assessment process was so comfortable, so simple, so easy.  the worst part about the entire process was my nerves and working myself up to expect something from left field - the punch that never came.  if there is anyone out there who ever stumbles across this who is nervous about their home assessment process, please let me be the beacon of light that encourages you to REMAIN CALM and know that everything will flow smoothly and you've got nothing to worry about.  coming out from the other side, i can honestly say it was a breeze.

so where do we go from here?

we're 99% done with our profile book and we learned today that this can be copied and added to in order to create our online profile page.  once this is complete we just wait for our social worker to submit the home assessment report to us for our review, submit it back to her with any changes, wait for approval from her supervisor and the state director, and then we will receive a letter letting us know that we are officially on the list of waiting families.

i'm ordering supplies to keep busy with baby craft projects and we're planning some mini-travel trips over the weekends coming up.  we're continuing to relish in the time that we have remaining where it's just the two of us and being thankful for any morning we can sleep in or any afternoon where we can take a nap.  we're so blessed to be on this journey and cannot believe we're in the home stretch.

chaos = life

final preparations have begun for our last home study visit this thursday.  we purchased two baby gates for our stairs and got ready to install them today - only to find out that apparently we do not know how to measure very well.  back to target.  i picked up two more baby gates - industrial versions - that apparently are large enough to enclose our stairwell.  amelia says she is just going to live in between them.  we've installed all of the cabinet safety locks and even locked ourselves out of our walk in attic with a door knob spinning cover that could keep pretty much anyone out of that area.  hopefully we've taken care of everything that could be on the unseen "check list".

all of this change is apparently unsettling.

thursday night we found out that iliana (our 10 year old baby dog) no longer wants to be in her crate while we're gone, and that nothing will stop her from getting out.  she some how houdinied herself out of the crate thursday night while we were at church small group by prying the metal door of her crate apart at the bottom and squeezing out of her second story doggie condo.  luckily her only sustained injuries from this stunt were a small puncture wound on her inner thigh and scraping along her left rib cage and chest.  friday night i thought i would outsmart her and i put 4 master locks on the crate door and we went to dinner right up the road.  we were gone less than an hour and thought we'd defeated the battle of the crates when we looked into her crate and found her covered in blood.  we did not know where the blood was coming from, but there was blood from her head to her feet and it was concentrated on her paws.  we hurried her to the bathroom and got her into the tub to see if we could wash away the blood to see where it was coming from.  initially we thought her paws were the source, but we later found that it was actually an incisor tooth pulled completely out - including the root.  OUCH!  the bleeding stopped after i washed her with prescription shampoo and we decided we'd call the vet in the morning vs. going to the doggie er friday night.

saturday morning i called the vet and we got the first available appointment for later that afternoon.  knowing we could not leave her at home alone, we adjusted our schedule to make sure one of us was with her at all times.  running errands and getting things accomplished was a lot more difficult with one person left behind at home.  (we joked that this is what it would be like with an infant at home.)  we had both been excited to go to gus' first birthday party later on that afternoon, but i had to leave will at the vet  to wait to talk to the dr.  the vet asked a series of questions and checked iliana's chart going back to april of 2009 where she had her first bouts with severe separation anxiety.  my trip to india sparked the inital bout of fear, and then things settled down when i returned home.  however, in april of 2010 will had his brain surgery and her anxiety spiked again.  that time the vet gave us a sedative to give her to help her sleep.  after one dose of that medication we determined that was not the route we wanted to go as we did not like the effect the medication had on her.  however, after some time she settled back down.  this time, things just seemed much worse.  the vet talked with will about the escalation and the fact that small triggers can exacerbate the anxiety to cause the separation to just be too much to handle.  (for example, when we did get home on friday, despite the fact she had to be in an intense amount of pain, she wagged her tail furiously, just excited that we were back home.)  the vet ran some blood work, checked her kidney and liver function, and then prescribed her an anti-depressant for daily use and an anti-anxiety medication that she will take when we fear she will be under anxious circumstances.  the medications will take a couple of weeks to take their full effect, so we will have to see how they will work.  we are hoping this solution will work and she can get readjusted, knowing that bringing a baby home is going to be yet another huge adjustment for her.

thankfully i did have one break from errands and chaos this weekend.  leaving will at the vet on saturday, i headed out to our friends for their sweet baby's 1st birthday party.  i was sad that will was unable to make it to the party, especially since cathy had prepared him some "holly springs nacho dip"!  it was amazing to watch gus walking around, interacting with other kids his age, and just loving every second of his party.  its hard to believe in one short year that gus went from a tiny premature baby to a little one who can run around the living room and kitchen, climb up a sliding board, and chase his "girl friend" around.  gus enjoyed tickling the frosting on his frog birthday cake and never really did take a chunk of cake out of the frog face without some assistance.  he was content loving on the frosting and smearing it from forehead to chin.  the audience all got a good chuckle out of it, and it was definitely an exciting moment that i look forward to sharing with our darling deer one day.

mother's day weekend

i vividly remember previous mother's days being full of sorrow.  i remember getting cards from my mom and others that were sympathetic to my situation, but still never wiping away the pain of the day itself. 

i think the thing that always haunted me was just never knowing if i'd be someone's mother.  longing to be that person for someone had left a giant void in my heart.  it was hard to bare, thinking i would be childless.

this year as we head into mother's day weekend it feels different.  the other day i got this joyous card in the mail - the tone is totally different from the cards i've gotten on past mother's days.

it's now that we wait in joyous unfailing hope - knowing that our baby is out there somewhere - and that soon they will find their way to us.  we know the journey (specifically the wait) may be long, and we really are fine with that.  we find comfort in knowing that all of this has happened for a reason, and that our family will come together as it was designed - knowing that one day i will be someone's mommy and the hubbs will be the daddi-o.

home study part I

(snapshot of us at my cousin's wedding last weekend.)

friday we headed to the local Bethany office for part one of our three part home study.  like i can somtimes do, i had worked myself up into nervousness (knowing a lot is riding on these interviews).  i could not sleep the night before, gave myself a stomach ache, and overreacted when the check engine light came on AGAIN on the way to the meeting.  thankfully will was driving ahead of me, and for once in our lives he was the calm one - the voice of reason - the one to talk me down.  we arrived to the parking lot early, and by then i was fine.  just being in the car with him, instead of following him gave me the confidence boost i needed to "settle down".

we entered the office and were seated in our social worker's office.  she got us cups of water and we all made small talk before we began the actual interview.  other wise friends who've previously adopted told us that these interviews were just like talking to old friends.  we wanted to believe them - really we did - but we were nervous for some reason that our situation would be the odd ball.  however, they were completely right.  after talking with our social worker for only a little over an hour and a half, we were done.  we'd chatted about our infertility, how we grieved, will's surgery and its impact, how we decided to adopt transracially, how our extended families felt about that, and how we were prepared to integrate the child back into their culture.  all of the conversation - was just that - conversation.  we chatted freely and poured our hearts out, knowing that this path is the right one. 

the second segment of the meeting was the discussion of the "service contract" which is what i had been fearing.  i feel called by God to adopt as many children into my home as we possibly can, but i do not feel led to handle every single possible situation.  we had intense conversations over what we felt we could handle physically, emotionally, and financially.  we tried to be logical in saying "no" now to a situation that we could be unprepared for, rather than having to say "no" to a living breathing baby, a birthmother, and our social worker after a baby was born.  i still have some reservation and feelings of guilt over some of the boxes i marked "no" to, but i felt it was the right thing to do for our first adoption experience - praying that there will be more to come after this chapter is complete.

so dready mcdreaderton has packed up her suitcase and is putting it away for now.  right now i am going to focus on wrapping up a few documents that have been placed in our portal, cleaning our our closets to be better organized, locating the perfect glider rocker, and filtering through thousands of photos for just the right ones to create our profile book.

4/27

a year ago today marks the day that will had his decompression surgery.  this day is a day that forever changed our lives.  the night before will's surgery we were both nervous and anxious about where our lives were headed.  we had faith that God would protect us through will's surgery, but we did not know how long the road would be, or where it would lead.  we could never imagine we'd be where we are now.

yesterday we attended the second (final) portion of our informational seminar with Bethany.  this segment of the required classroom time focused on awareness of openness, birthmother medical conditions, birthmother drug exposure, and transracial placements.  we were glad to have the information on some of the possibilities that could be presented to us, so we can be prepared for what to expect.  every meeting with Bethany reconfirms our knowing that we are on God's path to build our family through adoption.  we feel overwhelmingly assured that God will build our family with a transracial placement.  i feel emotionally overwhelmed when i think about how perfect, how wonderful, how right this all feels.

about a half an hour of the seminar was focused on creating a profile book.  everyone was curious about what they should and should not do.  while there are some general guidelines, it really is up to the adoptive parents to choose the print company, how many pages they will include, and what the pages will contain.  creating the profile book has always been something i've been excited for, but something that has generated a great deal of anxiousness.  anyone who knows me knows that i love to take pictures (too many pictures to select from), love to have something to work on (just ask my daddy), and love a creative project.  however, feeling the importance of this task, and having the loose parameters can sometimes seem a little daunting.  however, seeing the books that the agency felt were good representations of the past adoptive families helped to ease some of my worries in knowing that my gut instincts on creating our book were on target.

friday morning we have the first of three home study meetings with our social worker.  we are eager to begin the process and excited to start this chapter of our journey.  the main focus of this meeting is completing our "service plan".  the service plan requires us to confirm our search parameters.  will and i have made copies of the plan so that we can each check off what we feel comfortable saying "yes", "no", or "will consider" to.  after we're done filling out the worksheets on our own, we can then discuss the answers we have, so that we are not swaying each other's heart - so we will know exactly what page each one of us is on.  we've struggled with this throughout the journey, feeling that God is leading us down this path and that he will bring the RIGHT baby to our family - and knowing that we are not controlling this process - which makes it hard for us to fill out this type of worksheet.  however, we know it has to happen and we've prayed to God for his guidance and strength in completing this segment of the journey.

so it is with joyful hearts that we celebrate this one year anniversary after will's surgery.  we know that God's plan for our family included us finding out about will's chiari malformation before children were part of our lives.  we know that God's plan four our family included us experiencing many medical challenges which brought us closer than we've ever been.  we know that God's plan for our family included us growing spiritually, emotionally, and together in our plans for openness throughout this adoption journey.  we know that we are more ready than ever before to become parents.

stormy afternoon

you think about your life a little differently when you have a child to protect.

there were some major storms in the raleigh area this afternoon.  we'd planned to be at the local fair grounds at the arena today for a roller derby bout after we purchased a living social deal several months ago.  when the weather forecasted strong/severe storms today i thought it would be fun to hear the rain on the roof of the arena, and possibly see some lightning in the large windows.  i had no idea how severe the storms would be.

when we were seated at the arena the announcer explained the emergency procedures in case they'd have to sound the storm sirens.  everyone listened, but sort of brushed off the procedures and was ready for some roller derby action.  about 10 to 15 minutes into the first bout the sirens went off.  my heart skipped a little beat and we jumped into action.  we calmly went downstairs (into what i called the bunker) which was the basement under the arena.  it all seemed sort of silly since we did not really know what was going on outside.  will checked his droid and pulled up the weather, but aside from a tornado warning, we really did not know the full extent of what was happening.

after about 30 minutes of waiting it seemed to just be annoying to be trapped in the humid bunker waiting to be let back upstairs.  then - out of nowhere - a man came through the hallway yelling:  "if/when we tell you to get down and face the well, you'll need to get down on your knees, face the wall, and tuck your head!"  things started getting a little more real at this point.  before we knew it, he was coming back down the hall telling everyone to get down and get into position.  while i was nervous, i was not really scared and felt a sense of calm come over me.

however, what i was scared for was a couple that was crouched down beside us with their infant son.  the mother laid him on his blanket, pressed against the cinder blocks, covered him with another blanket, and held her husband's hand as they pressed their bodies as protection over his.  you never really value your own life like you value it when you're caring for another living being.  i prayed that God would protect this little baby, and protect this family.

luckily, after 50 minutes of time spent in the basement the storms had passed and we were allowed back up into the arena.  our nerves were rattled, but the roller derby went on, and everyone in the arena appeared to be unscathed.  however, many other people on the south east coast were affected by these extreme storms today, and we offer up prayers for all of those who have suffered and continue to suffer the effects of this severe weather.

so be sure to kiss your little ones tonight, and be thankful for every single precious moment.

oh yeah - bargain!

i love a bargain.  i love being prepared.  so, when i find a bargain item that is on the list that helps me work towards being prepared for the arrival of the baby - i am on cloud 9.

today we had to stop at our local harris teeter to pick up some prescriptions.  since this store opened, they've opened a store that is even closer to our house, but it does not have a pharmacy - so we no longer shop in this grocery store itself, but just stop here to get the meds on our way to and fro.  this afternoon i decided i would just check for earth's best size 1 diapers while we were in the store because i had not previously looked at this specific store location.

i am pretty good at knowing when i see a "clearance" tag at ht, and i knew from the moment i saw the tag on the shelf that we were on to something good.  sure enough, the size 1 earth's best diapers were clearanced from $11.99 to $5.99 per package!  i looked at husband, he looked at me, and he said - "i'll go get a cart!"  i stood there and put the stock pile i had started to grab back on the shelf and waited for him to return with the cart.  he got there and we wiped out the shelf. 

7 packs of 44 diapers is 308 diapers for $42, which works out to about .14 cents per diaper!  we know all of these diapers will come into use when we're working with a newborn until they are out of that meconium stage before we pull out the cloth diaper arsenal!

(amelia is amazed at the leaning tower of diapers)

celebrate good times

we're all about the celebrating!  we just got word tonight that ALL of our paperwork has been received for our profile and that we are set for our first home assessment appointment for april 29th at 9am!  we are so excited to be moving on to the next phase of our adoption journey and cannot wait to see what God has in store for us next!

we feel it's really important to celebrate every milestone along our adoption journey.  we've waited so long to build our family that we get excited about every stage.  we purchased the champagne to have when we completed our paperwork and mailed it in, but never got around to opening it.  tonight when i told husband what the agency said, he said "can we open our champagne"?  gotta love him!

a peacefulness

we are so excited.

we knew this Bethany seminar today was something we were looking forward to, and for a month we've had it on the calendar - and were getting excited about it. we drove into asheville last night and arrived around 1am. at one point i swore that i looked over at will and he had his eyes closed, but he promises he did not - keep in mind he was driving. at the next exit he got off the interstate and i drove the rest of the way into town. the dogs were excited to be out of their crates, and we were excited to try and get some rest. neither one of us could sleep. the doggies settled in and iliana snored, like usual, for the entire night (laying right in between will and i with her head on my pillow). we both felt like a kid the night before Christmas, full of anticipation about what was about to occur the next morning.

(close up of the bracelet my mom mailed me last week to remind us that my family was thinking of us today.  just so happened that it is "Bethany" green.)

i jumped out of bed at 6:40 this morning, which if you know me is VERY early for me. i am not a morning person. but, just like on Christmas, i was ready to go. we showered and primped and made it out of the house by our targeted 8am. my allergies were atrocious and we had to stop and pick up some allegra, then will needed a coffee, and then he was afraid we'd run out of gas. the garmin told us we'd be at the church the seminar was located at around 8:46 when we first got into the car, and by the time we conducted our pit stops it was telling us 9:00. the seminar started at 9:00.

i am not a person who is early to visit friends and we are rarely on time, but if we have something important to tend to we like to be early. very early. this was not happening today. however, we did accomplish all of those tasks and still manage to make it to the church by 9:00. when we arrived we were not sure which door we should enter. another couple was looking for the seminar and we all made our way through the doors at the same time to be greeted by our intake coordinator and found our seats in the room with the 20 other couples of adoptive hopefuls.

most all of the employees of Bethany of NC were at the meeting. it was great to put a face with everyone's emails, and to get to know some of these people we've been going back and forth with for months. everyone was friendly, warm, and welcoming. we knew before we got there that we'd made the right decision, but this meeting reconfirmed everything. we watched some videos about adoption, listened to a slide show presentation, and chatted about openness (and it's advantages), and we listened to the area social workers tell us personal stories about placements they'd been involved with and one social worker's own adoption journey. everyone is involved to "find families for babies, not to find babies for families". we'd never really thought about adoption this way, at least not in those exact words, and it really helps to focus your perspective on things.

a break for lunch happened around 11:30 and we headed out to find some food and discuss everything that we'd been informed of to this point. we found a restaurant "tupelo honey cafe" (which i'd read about previously on yelp) and settled in for some chatting and some good southern food. we talked about how right everything felt, and how i just wanted to bust into tears because i could hardly contain my excitement. at one point in the presentation we were shown a real tear jerking video, and they warned us that we'd all be crying before it was over. they were right. i handed will the tissue box that was on our table before the video began, just in case he needed it - and he did. we felt so comfortable, so sure, so right. we've said it a million times throughout our ginormous set of profile paperwork, but it took us a long time to see God's path to building our family, but we know more and more every single day, every single hour, every single minute, every single second - that this is the path that God has laid before us. we left lunch happier than we were when we even began.

after lunch we went back into the same room and were eager to listen to the adoption journeys of 7 people (or families) who'd been involved with adoption. one couple had just received placement of their newborn son just 2 months ago, one mother had adopted her two sons via embryo adoption, another couple had adopted domestically and transracially, another mother had a painful failed adoption before her final adoption match, another couple had adopted internationally, another lady had been the "interim" caregiver for over 60 infants in her 12 years of working with Bethany, and the person who impacted our day the most was a birthmother who'd placed her child in an open adoption less than a year ago. each of these people (or couples) were so excited about sharing their journeys and telling us how they got to "the other side of the table". their emotions were fresh and raw, if they felt like crying - they cried.  if they felt like joking - they joked.  it was helpful to see the reality of the process and feel how other people felt before, during, and after.  you often think of what it will be like to be on the completed end of the adoption journey, but it's another thing to hear about it from so many angles, vantage points, time frames, and from so many perspectives.

after listening to all of the journeys we participated in a question and answer session. this was the time to ask any question that you could think of to try and get more information. each couple had one of their questions written on a white board and the social workers took time to carefully answer everyone's questions, and left no stone unturned. the seminar was supposed to wrap up at 4:00, but some couples still had questions, and the social workers stayed until everyone was satisfied. we stayed after questions were answered and the couples planning on pursuing international adoptions broke off into a separate group. we met up with the social worker that handles our "zone" and introduced ourselves. we're excited to be working with someone who is so knowledgeable, so skilled, and so passionate about finding families for babies.

we exchanged contact information with the couples on either side of us and hope to walk with them on their adoption journeys. both couples are also pursuing domestic infant adoption, and we're excited to meet up with anyone we can in this process. our next seminar is april 26th and will be held at our local office, instead of the arden area. at this seminar we will learn more about transracial adoption and creating our profile book. we hope to have more one on one time with these and other couples who were there from durham, raleigh, and cary to have more people to partner with on this journey.  we are eager for this next phase and enter it with a sense of peacefulness like neither of us has ever known.

weekend at the beach

we are so grateful for a relaxing weekend at the beach. 

we just got home a little bit ago from spending time with some friends at their beach house on bald head island, nc.  we made our way to and from the island reading one of our adoption books on the kindle.  we are so thankful for the time we had together to discuss all of the topics that were raised that we had not yet thought of, and the ones we wanted to further delve into.  we stayed up late on friday night just talking about how we will handle things when (and if) they arise.  saturday morning we had a long walk together on the beach, just cherishing our alone time together, and then saturday afternoon and evening we enjoyed everyone else's laughter and the fun on the beach.  the time to rest and relax before the big seminar in asheville this friday is just what we needed!

the morning walk on saturday was so amazing, since the weatherman had been calling for rain for the entire weekend.

since we're saving all of our pennies for our adoption, we've not planned any vacation time this year, so this trip meant a lot to us.  we love the beach, and do plan to make some day trips this summer, but nothing is like a morning walk or a sunset evening on the beach!  we're so thankful we had this time!

paperwork - the final chapter

with the paperwork finally done, i've just got to unload this.

every time someone asked us how the paperwork was going we gave them a bit of a sigh and explained how lengthy the paperwork was, how open ended the questions were, and how much thinking was required before you could just jot something down.  because of our relaying the magnitude of pressure we were feeling in sort of griping about the quantity of work we had in front of us, i think we negatively impacted people's thoughts and judgements about the paperwork requirements.

we're sorry if we've done this.

let us go on record as saying this - we are blessed to have been given the opportunity to have had the experience of answering all of the questions we had to answer on the paperwork.  husband and i feel like we grew so much, just by getting to share our answers with each other when we were done, and that even though it was long, it was difficult, and it was time consuming - that we are in a better place now for having thought about these questions and really found out where our hearts are.

it was sometimes hysterically amusing to listen to each other's answers when our own sides of the paperwork were done.  some of our answers were so similar i am afraid they will think we copied each other, and then some answers are on the same path - but they got there in such a different manner that it's hard to see how we've ended up in the same place on the map.

completing this paperwork, and adoption in general is something that we are honored and blessed to be a part of.  please do not ever look upon us with pity because we "have to do all of this paperwork, jump through all of these hoops, read all of these books, or go to all of these classes".  we are more prepared to be parents now than we've ever been in our lives, and if it was not for this exact path, we would not be so ready as we are right now.

cheers

we worked diligently and finally got all of the family pre-assessment paperwork completed and into the mail at the fed ex office.  we'd decided that we'd head to our favorite mexican restaurant to celebrate, but when we got there we found it was closed on sundays.  a look up of our favorite sushi restaurant nearby told us that they did not open for another hour and a half.  drat!  with limited options available at 4pm on a sunday we elected to head to the cheesecake factory for some sure fire delicious celebratory drinks and good food.  nothing was going to ruin this moment!

cheers!

smart momma class

somehow i was the expectant parent with the most diaper knowledge at last night's cloth diapering seminar. it felt good to know that all of the reading, questioning, and chatting with folks had paid off. the seminar was informative and the owner of the store went through every brand of cloth diaper that she sold. i learned some things i had not previously heard of and also confirmed that i'd like to add some fuzzibunz to the stash.  fuzzibunz seem like they will work well for nighttime use because of the super absorbent polar fleece - which makes them super fuzzy inside - and the adjustable elastic legs!

here are the tidbits i picked up last night:
-  we will need a pail (with lid) and two washable liners to store diapers waiting for laundry
-  for first time washing you must wash and dry the diapers for the number of cycles listed - just washing 5 times, does not complete the purpose of the cycles.  the drying after each wash must be a part of it.
-  you should not use chemical creams such as "desetin" on babies using cloth diapers as they will create build up in the diaper.  a natural product should be used instead.
-  cloth wipe solution can be purchased or homemade.  here are some recipes:
cloth wipe solutions
-  may seem obvious, but not all "baby" safe detergents are good for cloth diapers.  likewise, not all "cloth diaper" safe detergents are good for all high efficiency washing machines.  however, rockin' green seems to fit both criteria.  i purchased a bag to get started on the laundering of the diapers we have thus far.  our washer is finiky (ge was just here last week for too many bubbles) so we will see how it works out.

i also purchased one more bum genius 4.0 snap diaper because they were on sale.  after the demo i know that those and the fuzzibunz are the ones i want to start out with, and then we can build/evolve as needed.

all you have to do is ask

this week is pretty much the bomb diggity.

had a follow up doctor's appointment today to discuss a medicine i was put on 6 weeks ago and the dr. was like - "oh, no you don't need to come in and have a physical, (for the adoption paperwork) i can just get this information for this general wellness off of your charts." this is excellent because the earliest appointment i could get for us to have physicals was not until april 20th and april 27th. small victory!
then, you know how my diaper confusion and diaper obsession have been going...

well, first off i got an awesome email from a sweet friend k who told me everything i could ever want to know about cloth diapers. i asked if i could send her a list of questions and she said i could. i fired off my list and here is what we get:

• What's your favorite brand?

I personally like Bum Genius and Fuzzi Bunz. I started out with a program through www.JilliansDrawers.com that allowed me to "try" 8 different brands for 30 days and send back what I didn't like. I will list some thoughts on the ones I got.

• Grovia - Good but took forever to dry and the insert was like a pad (didn't cover well)

• Fuzzi bunz - Great

• Kissa luvs - Interesting...the entire inner diaper was fleece. Not sure how I felt about them. Bulky.

• Thirsties - I tried the duo wrap and the regular wrap- didn't love either one. Wraps are bulky for B (her sweet baby) (because he is already so big) and they just didn't fit B the right way.

• BumGenius insert and AIO (all in one) - I love both of these. I prefer the AIO but got the one size fits all to make a more convincing "sale" to my husband.

• Smartipants - I like these as well.

• Is there one that you think works best for nighttime vs. daytime use?

I use Bum Genius, Smartipants, and Fuzzibunz. I have only used Bum Genius stuffed with two inserts for nighttime and have only had it leak once. I think it was my fault actually because it seemed loose the next morning.

• Do you use the same liners in multiple brands, or if you have various brands how do you keep them straight in the laundry?

I keep the liners separate per diaper except I double stuff with Bum Genius liners for all. You get used to telling them apart. BG have a tag, Fuzzibunz has an all white no tag liner, Smartipants has a green thread along the sides. It is NOT a big deal if they get mixed up. Only thing...you don't want to wash natural fibers (hemp, bamboo,etc) with cotton ones. I think it is easier to stick to one fiber of liner....cotton. That way you don't have to worry about it.

• What do you think is the best detergent you've tried?

I have tried Ecos (great) & Biokleen (good). It really depends on your water and your washing machine.

• Do you prefer the diapers with snaps or with velcro?

I prefer velcro because I feel like I get a better fit but now B has been trying to take off the velcro. Honestly if I were starting out I would do snaps. You won't know the difference and they will last longer.

• Do you use disposables or disposable liners or just always the cloth?

I use regular cloth and sometimes a disposable liner. I saw that you have the sprayer. I don't have a sprayer but since you have that you will be fine. Dipping the diaper in the toilet seems to work fine for me but the sprayer will get off everything you want it too.

• Do you have a wet bag, and if so where did you get it?

I have a large wet bag that I have hanging in B's bathroom. I dump the diapers and liners in there and then wash all including the bag. My sister bought it for me from http://www.diaperlab.com/.

• Do you use prepackaged wipes, or do you just use some solution with cloth wipes?

I use both. I really like the washable wipes. I have some meltable chips that make the solution but I know there are many homemade cheap recipes online.

• How many diapers and liners do you have?

I think I have 10-12 diapers (will usually last me 2 days) For a newborn I would start with 20-25. I changed B about 12 times in 12 hours in the beginning with disposables. Funny thing about cloth is that they absorb more and you don't smell poop (good and bad!) You can always buy more!

• Do you do laundry every day?

I do laundry every other day. I have never had stains and during warmer weather you can air dry in the sun. Typically I rinse cold, wash warm with extra rinse and then another warm rinse. I then dry on delicate the wet bag and liners. I hang the covers to dry.

cannot thank k enough for all of her great words of experience! i am already feeling less anxious about cloth diapering!

then, just when i thought i was floating - today i got an email from smart momma here in town and was told the following:

"Cloth Diapering Seminar

Cloth Diapering Seminar - New to cloth diapering? Not sure where to begin? This cloth diapering seminar will set you on the path to picking the perfect diapers for your little one and properly using them. It will cover the different brands, hook and loop vs. snap, organic vs. non-organic, and much more! You will leave with a better understanding of the different cloth diapers, how to use them, and the available accessories."

so now i am registered for the diaper class tomorrow!

God is moving mountains!

confirmed - "you can type your answers"

we got such great news today!

the adoption profile paperwork can all be printed out from the computer! 

i know, this is not what you all were thinking would be such great and wonderful news - but to the light at the end of the tunnel - this was a critical piece of news.  i am now officially done with my personal paperwork and just have to fill out one last joint form while husband finishes his personal profile data.

i am not quite sure how people say they've finished all of this in a weekend.  we've agonized over these questions to the point of possibly overthinking them.  i just feel such responsibility to properly communicate the history of my life, the gifts of my parents, the love and strength of my husband, and the hopes for our child that i feel like i have to analzye every word.  hopefully all of the thinking, even if it was excessive, will help our social worker get to know us better.

husband is fastidiously working on his questions and i think he's in the home stretch!  i cannot wait until we get this packet in the mail.  the countdown to the post office is on!

ode to computers

this is a happy husband working on paperwork.  (he does not know how many hours of transcribing are in his future!) 

there are about 100 open ended questions in this final set of paperwork in the profile.  the information gathered here goes into your personal profile and is used by the social worker to prepare for your interview.   i typed up all of the questions from the printed forms we were given so that we could each work on answering our questions and be able to run spell check etc.  mine are done (in word), but i've been working for 11 hours total to get them from typed text into hand written format, and i am only 1/3 of the way through.  you never really realize how much we rely on computers and word processing programs to communicate until you have to hand write something of this magnitude!  (i will not whine about it too much longer, but man oh man, my hand is aching!)

c'est la vie!  pressing on!