Thursday, July 15, 2010

admitted break down

i have to admit i had a total break down last night.  i got the information from another adoption agency that their services to provide us with an infant would be over 40K.  40K.  where are we supposed to come up with 40K?  seriously?

i cried and will was amazingly wonderful, as he always is and reminded me that because he has such great credit he'd be able to get all sorts of amazing loans and credit cards to bring our baby home.  i smile just thinking about it. 

it's like ever since he had brain surgery, nothing seems like too big of a challenge to him anymore.  i think i felt that way when i lost my right ovary in 1996.  for a while i felt like no challenge was too great, no hurdle was too large - that we could not handle it with ease.  thankfully he is the motivator now.  i just get so upset when i think about the expense of adopting a baby.  it's not like we would not be willing to give everything we have and everything we could ever dream of to have a baby to love, but i just wonder why infertile couples have to pay such a price. 

we've already handled the grief of being told at the age of 19 that i'd possibly never be able to become pregnant after the diagnosis of PCOS and the loss of the cyst consumed ovary, we've already handled the disappointment of our first miscarriage in 2004, we've already been devastated by the second miscarriage in 2008 and it having to end in a d&c, we've already been wrecked with heart break when i ended up in the er after our first infertility treatment, we've already dealt with will's chiari and brain surgery and the knowledge that his condition may be hereditary - we've dealt with all of that.  so why is it now that we also have to figure out how we are going to come up with 40K to afford a baby to have the honor of loving, caring for, and raising?

i'm thankful for all of the adoption blogs out there that provide such solace when i'm an obsessed crying fool, i'm thankful for my family who is always there with love and support when i call, i'm thankful for my husband who - through this all is always supportive, understanding, and on the same page, and most of all i'm thankful that i know that GOD has a plan for us - a plan that ends begins with us being parents.

5 comments:

Melodie said...

so glad for your supportive husband and your thankful heart. but 40k??? i would be crying too. i hope there are other options out there for you. that just seems ridiculous to me. 15-20k seems more fair. i know it's hard to find the right place, but i know God is leading you guys.

ourfamilybuildingadventure said...

I can't wait to talk to you-- it's not that much for domestic-- depends on the agency you are using-- I did get that quote from one and just had to laugh! Remember about the tax credit too-- $13K-- makes it seem much easier...

adrianne + will said...

Thanks Melodie and Kierstin. So thankful for all of you adoptive and hopeful parents out there to keep us motivated! I think we are narrowing down the field by looking at costs and just going with our gut. I've emailed requests for about 10 packets, but have yet to receive one. Hopefully soon we'll be able to lay this all out on the dining room table and pick the best fit. (I had emailed the 40K people for a packet last year and then forgot why I tossed their information out. - Now I remember.)

S & J said...

I found your blog thru Kierstin's blog and I am not sure if you have requested info from Adopthelp or not but they are amazing and very reasonable on pricing..... 25K to 35K and that includes everything.... home study and all. It's worth a phone call and another info packet in the mail right? :)J

adrianne + will said...

S&J - So hilarious that I started following your blog today! ;-) Yes, I submitted for about 10 packets in the past two weeks and Adopthelp was one of them. We just had a very wonderful phone call with Kierstin and her husband tonight and I am totally over my 40K panic attack from earlier in the week. I have to update this blog tomorrow before everyone out there thinks I am still in that funk! Loved your blog and so excited about your story and can't wait to hear the good news!