Sunday, August 8, 2010

preparing our home - preparing our hearts

this weekend has been one of great preparation. as we prepare to get things ready for our photography session on october 9th, we have begun setting up the nursery. to do this we needed to move my office (since i work from home) from the downstairs bedroom to one of the guest bedrooms upstairs. when we first moved into this home we still had hopes that shortly after our arrival (since we were finally settled for good) that we would soon have a baby occupying the main floor bedroom down the hall from our master.  it will be three years next month, that we've lived in this home.  this weekend was the weekend to finally begin to make this room into the nursery it was destined to be.

since husband had his surgery in april, he really was not given the green light to resume all normal activities until the visit to hopkins. with the good news last weekend, we knew he was okay to handle heavy lifting and we could go ahead and get things going.  i didn't think we could move the entire office in one weekend, but he amazed me and we got it done. we still have to hang the pictures on the walls of the new office and put some cord ties on the dangling mess of cord tangle that hangs behind the desks, but we're 97% there. 

the move leaves us with a blank canvas down stairs. this afternoon after church we decided on a paint color for the walls. we opted for a very pale grey (dolphin) to compliment the bedding and serve as a backdrop for the very colorful artwork and accessories that will soon fill the space. as i prepped to put the first coat of paint on the walls i just laid in the floor of the empty room and began to cry.   not tears of sadness, but tears of joy.  i feel so thankful - so grateful that GOD is giving us this experience. an experience to grow together, to walk a journey together, to build a family together, all with him in the center of it.  i have to think that if we were blessed with a full term baby the first time we became pregnant in 2004 that we would probably not be so connected, so joined, so patient, so thankful, so aware, so grateful for everything we are experiencing now.

(never fear - i'm calling the carpet cleaner tomorrow about this carpet.  it honestly never looked so dingy with a full room of furniture.)

(the rest of the blank slate -  these photos are prior to paint etc.)

husband told me over dinner tonight that he was so thankful that the path our life is on is so wonderfully positive.  he and i both feel that we are fulfilling our destiny to find the baby that GOD has planned for us to parent. every day i feel this more and more.

the pastor's sermon at church today was a lesson on your faith in GOD.  there are just some sermons that i feel are speaking directly to our souls - and this was one of them.  we turned our search for a family over to GOD when we began this process last december, but it's only through this year's trials and searching that we've come to see how our faith in GOD's ability to build our family is the essence of the journey.

the pastor left us with this:  "Faith is the bird that feels the light and sings when the dawn is still dark." -- Rabindranath Tagore

i've always had a fascination with birds and as we're faithful in GOD's path for our adoption, this quote has really touched me.

after church aubrey gifted us an amazing book about adoption. (Sucessful Adoption - A Guide For Christian Families by Nataline Nichols Gillespie) we were so touched that she thought of us on this journey and purchased such a wonderfully helpful tool for us.

i read aloud the forward and the first ten pages as will drove us home.  i then continued to read during painting breaks, but felt i should stop since i was really "skipping ahead".   i'll wait to read more tonight until will and i can do it together.  it's just so amazing how as we continue to prepare the physical things for our baby's arrival, our spiritual path and our hearts continue to be prepared.


Melodie said...

so glad that you are able to be thankful for the hard journey that has brought you to this place. in everything give thanks! that is exactly what it sounds like you are doing. and with the wait you and your husband have experienced, i can promise: your heart is going to nearly burst open when they place your child in your arms. and it will continue to feel that way. i STILL have that feeling when i see my sleeping boys (and other times, but they look so peaceful when they are asleep :) it can just be so overwhelming (in a good way) and i LOVE LOVE LOVE that you are treasuring these moments and just soaking it all in!

adrianne + will said...

Melodie - As someone who has been there and done that, we're so thankful to have you with us on our journey - constantly reassuring and encouraging us! I can imagine you are right - about our hearts bursting open - they already feel like they're about to!

Sarah said...

Oooo! I haven't heard of that book! I can't wait to go look for it online. I would have thought there would be more Christian Adoption books (since we are suppose to take care of the widows and orphans...) but there really aren't.

adrianne + will said...

Sarah - So true! This book is awesome! We're really leaning towards Bethany Christian Services and this agency is mentioned multiple times throughout the book. It also features stories from Stephen Curtis Chapman, who we've always found so inspirational. The funniest thing is that now that we've read even more - Chapter 13 has a section called: "Preparing Hearts More than Homes", which is something we feel we've been working this entire year on. (Just funny how my title of this posting was the opposite, but how for us they both happen simultaneously.)

Cathy said...

Adri- I read this post and felt so connected to what you were writing! We moved from Michigan and put all of my teaching stuff into our third bedroom. We have a guest room that we used for visitors and could use for a nursery, but that baby never came. Three years of trying and still no baby for that room.

This past December we decided to take all my teaching stuff out of the third bedroom and make it into the nursery. We were in the beginning stage of the adoption process, but we were so excited. I have pictures of our room empty (like the ones you posted) and I can remember laying on the floor and crying. I was so excited and eager for the future.

When we finally had the room together for pictures and we were ready for Gus to be brought into our lives, I can remember sitting in the rocker and looking around the room and just being so eager for us to have a baby to hold and snuggle in that chair.

We brought Gus home a little over a month ago and when it was time to feed him and sit in the chair, I was crying uncontrollably. It was so overwhelming to actually have my baby in my arms in the nursery that we had been waiting to fill with a baby!

The adoption journey is one that unless you've been through it, you will not fully understand. Steve and I have gotten so close and have really come to a new place in our relationship because of all that we went through.

Oddly enough though, the bonding of instant attachment the moment you hold your baby isn't always something that happens for everyone. I didn't fully bond with Gus until he was about a month old. It took some time and was hard because of his adoption situation. Now, he's more bonded to me than ever before and I love him with my entire being, but I wanted to throw it out there that the "instant" bond might not happen, but it WILL eventually happen.


adrianne + will said...

Cathy - Thanks for your comforting words. It's so wonderful to have people who've been there and done that to help keep things in perspective. Your comments made me cry because I know that I will feel so overwhelmingly happy when our nursery is done, when our paperwork is done, when we find a match, and then again when we bring our baby home. This journey is so wonderfully exciting, I'm just sorry we did not get here sooner! Hugs!