Monday, September 5, 2011
yes, we're still waiting.
waiting stinks. it's no fun. i don't like it. i don't like it at all. my niece ellie says it all in this photo that i snapped while we were at the beach this summer. does she look like she's having fun? it's not pretty. there is nothing pretty about it. i am mean, i am snippy, i am grumbly. it's just not fun. ask will. don't even think of calling any of our phones. i won't answer. if you are not bethany or a nc number that i don't recognize then you are probably not the good news i am looking for, so no me respuesta. i actually literally get angry with the phone - the nerve of this person to call me! how rude! don't even think of asking me to do anything. i don't want to go anywhere, i don't want to do anything, i don't want to see anyone. but, i don't want to be alone, so don't leave me here all stranded like this either. i don't want to sleep, but i'm so tired. i don't want to eat, but if you want to make me some baked macaroni and cheese that would be fine. and for goodness sake don't ask me if we've heard anything yet. seriously, we will tell you when we hear something - anything! i promise! it's gross.
but people are trying to be supportive, be helpful, be good friends - and i know this. i am not so why it's so hard - this part of the wait, when we've been waiting since 2004. i feel like i've been pretty patient for the past 2555 days. but now, somehow all of my patience is gone. it's a jittery unstable feeling, one i don't like. we're not in control, and we know that this part is in God's hands - but it honestly does not make it any easier to swallow. i pray that every hour will be the hour, every phone call will be the phone call, every new day will be the day. we went to the movies sunday night and had to sit in just the right seats, even with my cell phone on ring (loud) and vibrate - just in case they called. i figured two movie tickets, a popcorn, a soda, and watching all of the movie trailers was exactly what sweet darling deer needed to be prompted into this oxygen bubble - but it wasn't.
we pray (just about every waking moment) that our e-mom and her sweet baby are still doing well. we want them healthy and happy - and we pray that God will protect them and keep them safe. we know e-mom was uncomfortable when we met her a month ago, and we cannot imagine how she's feeling now. we pray she is able to sleep and rest and that she's not still having to work. we pray her heart isn't too heavy and that she's content with whatever she's decided.
until it's time i promise to do my best to be less worrisome, less anxious, and more understanding of other's caring concern for our handling of this waiting time. and please know that we will post something - the minute we hear anything at all.