Monday, September 5, 2011

yes, we're still waiting.

waiting stinks.  it's no fun.  i don't like it.  i don't like it at all.  my niece ellie says it all in this photo that i snapped while we were at the beach  this summer.  does she look like she's having fun?  it's not pretty.  there is nothing pretty about it.  i am mean, i am snippy, i am grumbly.  it's just not fun.  ask will.  don't even think of calling any of our phones.  i won't answer.  if you are not bethany or a nc number that i don't recognize then you are probably not the good news i am looking for, so no me respuesta.  i actually literally get angry with the phone - the nerve of this person to call me!  how rude!  don't even think of asking me to do anything.  i don't want to go anywhere, i don't want to do anything, i don't want to see anyone.  but, i don't want to be alone, so don't leave me here all stranded like this either.  i don't want to sleep, but i'm so tired.  i don't want to eat, but if you want to make me some baked macaroni and cheese that would be fine.  and for goodness sake don't ask me if we've heard anything yet.  seriously, we will tell you when we hear something - anything!  i promise!   it's gross.

but people are trying to be supportive, be helpful, be good friends - and i know this.  i am not so why it's so hard - this part of the wait, when we've been waiting since 2004.  i feel like i've been pretty patient for the past 2555 days.  but now, somehow all of my patience is gone.  it's a jittery unstable feeling, one i don't like.  we're not in control, and we know that this part is in God's hands - but it honestly does not make it any easier to swallow.  i pray that every hour will be the hour, every phone call will be the phone call, every new day will be the day.  we went to the movies sunday night and had to sit in just the right seats, even with my cell phone on ring (loud) and vibrate - just in case they called.  i figured two movie tickets, a popcorn, a soda, and watching all of the movie trailers was exactly what sweet darling deer needed to be prompted into this oxygen bubble - but it wasn't.

we pray (just about every waking moment) that our e-mom and her sweet baby are still doing well.  we want them healthy and happy - and we pray that God will protect them and keep them safe.  we know e-mom was uncomfortable when we met her a month ago, and we cannot imagine how she's feeling now.  we pray she is able to sleep and rest and that she's not still having to work.  we pray her heart isn't too heavy and that she's content with whatever she's decided. 

until it's time i promise to do my best to be less worrisome, less anxious, and more understanding of other's caring concern for our handling of this waiting time.  and please know that we will post something - the minute we hear anything at all.


Cat's Litterbox said...

Oh boy... they don't tell you about the waiting do they? I consider it to be our labor as adoptive moms. We don't physically birth a child, so we have to go through the waiting period to really appreciate the joy when our baby arrives.

Keep your heart light and your focus on God and try to stay positive. I know it's hard. Believe me... I do know and I pray that you are able to find some peace. Though, I know in the bottom of my heart that it won't come until you've got your arms snuggled around your darling deer.

Trust me, in a few hours, days, weeks, months, this anxiety that you're feeling will be a thing of the past and all you'll remember is how nervous you were and how excited you were for "the call."


Until it does, GET SOME SLEEP and stay healthy. Once your sweetness arrives, you'll be longing for sleep.

Just know (this is not helpful advice I suppose)... it only gets more difficult. Once your baby is here, and you think the newborn stage is hard, it gets harder. Once your sweet one turns into a toddler, it only gets more difficult. So rejoyce that you're still in the easy phase of parenthood!!!

Love you!!!!

Kierstin said...

I agree with Cat's Litterbox-- this is your "Labor"-- it stinks-- nothing pretty, fun or easy about it. Ugh I hated it too. I soooooo know the feelings you are having and I'm proud of you expressing it here. It'll all be over soon... just keep breathing-- like Lamaze.... XOXO
PS I do disagree with one thing above-- I think each stage is better and better-- when I love the cuddle of the newborn and I think it can't get better than this it does-- they smile at you-- then they giggle-- then they crawl-- then they hugs you and kiss you and say Mama--- it just gets better and better... love it all and I know you will!!

Kelly said...

I agree with the previous comment... we may not go through traditional "labor" but the years, weeks, days and minutes waiting for our kids to be born is definitely our labor process and it hurts! But, like physical labor, once your baby is here, every bit of pain is worth it!

Hang in there!

I hope you hear something soon...

Ashley said...

Try to get some rest!! Believe me, it will be rough adjusting the first couple of weeks (was for us anyway) so try to get caught up now. Hope you hear something soon!!

Melodie said...

you know i've never experienced this part of the wait. knowing they're coming any moment and just waiting and hoping for that moment. but from what you wrote, i can imagine your feelings at this point. praying for you this morning and that you get that amazing phone call today!