this thursday's small group and this weekend have given us time to share what we're going through, where we're at, and where we're headed. in sharing we got a lot off our chests - a lot of things we've been keeping inside so we did not have to bombard our church family with constant uncertainty in the process we've embarked upon.
we know we're supposed to be on this adoption journey to build our family through adoption - God did get us that far, but we've never received any confirmation that this path, the path of working with an agency, working with this agency, was the route that was meant to build our family. when you get pregnant you know that you're having a baby, you know that God has temporarily gifted you this soul growing inside you to build your family, and you just know that this is the path for you. we've just felt something is missing from the certainty with the length of time it's taken to receive the approval from the initial application.
questions still linger about if we'll be approved. will the agency be able to work with us despite medical conditions we have? will the issues that prevented us from being pregnant in the first place also be the stumbling blocks to building our family through adoption through this agency? only time will tell. i think the longer the wait of this "doubted" approval has taken the more it's made us question our worthiness.
however, after long conversations this weekend husband and i refocused on the fact that even if we are not approved with this agency it does not mean that we still can't adopt. it's possible to still work with another agency to complete an international adoption, or to work with the foster care system in the state of north carolina. we just know that in the end, no matter how hard we have to work, how much paperwork we fill out, how long we have to wait, how twisted the path becomes - we will be parents.
"Faith is walking face-first and full-speed into the dark. If we truly knew all the answers in advance as to the meaning of life and the nature of God and the destiny of our souls, our belief would not be a leap of faith and it would not be a courageous act of humanity; it would just be... a prudent insurance policy."
— Elizabeth Gilbert
this week we've been feeling the love and warmth of each other, that of our friends, and that of our families. a dear friend at church knitted our baby a beautiful crisp white baby blanket and two adorably comfy hats. the warmth of these items reminds us how incredibly warm we've felt in the recent sharing of this amazingly emotionally chaotic journey with friends and family. we know that all of these wonderfully caring people support us on this journey and we need to continue to allow them the joy in the blessing of helping us along our path, no matter how long it may be, and to continue to keep the faith in knowing that it is God that lead us to this point, and God that will see us through.