well, for me its partly unknown (the tears are just a flowing) - but mostly its the fact that dax is growing up. we knew this was happening, but somehow by him staying here with me i can keep him a baby in my mind. then, when the thought of taking him to daycare entered my periphery it wasn't until we were introducing him to the idea yesterday that it hit me like a ton of bricks - this is the first of many sad, bad, hard things to come.
things like the first day of pre-school, the first day of kindergarten, losing his first tooth, the first day of middle school, the first day of high school, learning to drive a car, seeing him accept Christ as his Savior, going on a date, sending him off to college, watching him fall in love, seeing him find his passion in life all seemed just a little bit closer to the forefront of life. time goes by so quickly and we yearn for them to learn, grow, and change - but at the same time we want to keep them our little babies.
dax has already grown up so quickly. when we go back and look at his newborn pictures its hard to remember him ever being so small. i've tried to stop the clock by taking thousands of pictures of him at every stage in life, so that we'll always have those reminders to look back on, but still the time keeps passing and he keeps growing up on us. will vividly remembers the first time he was running in the grass and he looked back and saw how far he was away from him, yet he smiled and continued running the other direction - all a part of his growings up.
so, it is a terribly sad, bad, hard, awful day for me, but i am glad my
all a part of our growings up.