ct scan reveals no trauma

a ct scan of the head and neck revealed there was no trauma to his head.

whoa - back this truck up.

yesterday at this time dax and i were in the er.

back up even further.

at 5pm, just as i'd signed off work, i scooped daxy up ad took one step in between the playyard set up of a swing, a playmat, and a jumperoo.  my right foot slightly caught on the leg of the swing and it sent my body, holding this sweet baby, into a lunging running desperate attempt to catch my balance.  i jerked forward about 5 feet and thought i had saved the day when i fell to my knees, then in a split second all of this went through my mind -

we're falling, oh lord no, please help us, we're really falling, quick - tuck your arms, don't fall on him, protect his head.

then, before i could even react, my elbows slammed into the hardwood floor in front of our kitchen sink - i cried out - and then daxy's sweet little head pounded onto the floor.  he let out a blood curdling scream.  a scream i've never heard come out of him before (and hope i never ever hear again).  i quickly brought him to my chest and i remember just saying - baby, sweet baby - i am so sorry - mommy is so sorry - PLEASE dear Lord watch over this baby. 

i got up and took him into the bedroom and laid him in the middle of our bed so i could locate car keys, the diaper bag, and my brain.  i called will - got his voicemail - and left some frantic message - meet me at the er.  dax just kept screaming - loud piercing screams.  i was crying - tears flowing down my cheeks.  the dogs were worried, terribly worried about what was going on - but i did not even have time to crate them.  again, i scooped daxy up and strapped him into the carseat - all the while the little fellow was still screaming.

i got him out to the car and into the back seat and waited an eternity for a neighbor to make a leisurely exit out of the subdivision.  i frantically called kathy to have her im will.  (why i did not try his desk phone is beyond me at this point, but i think i was just doing good to be operating a motor vehicle.)  i don't remember too much from our conversation, but i remember her asking me why i did not call 911.  i thought - oh my gosh - should i have called 911?  should i pull over right now on the side of the road and call 911?  i never even thought about calling 911!  i kept driving.  she got a hold of will and he said he was on his way.  daxy was still screaming in the back seat.

the drive to the er seemed to take forever.  i felt like i was behind every single solitary slow driver and that nobody cared (regardless of how i thought they were supposed to know) that i was on my way to the er with my sweet baby.  about half the way to the hospital the screaming stopped - just out of the blue the blood curdling screams turned into silence.  i reached my hand back and felt for his little hand and it was limp - he was not moving.  i did not know if he was asleep, passed out, or something way worse.  (every terrible awful gut wrenching thing runs through your mind at this point.)  i drove faster - surely breaking every speed limit in this 12 mile trip.

i pulled into the parking lot and leaned my seat forward to pull his carseat off the base and into the parking lot.  he appeared to be sleeping with his little head hung over to one side.  i touched his face, his hand, his belly and got no response.  i ran to the doors of the er.  i waited patiently as i could - tears still streaming down my face - behind another person checking in.  when it was our turn i handed over my drivers license and daxton's insurance card while the fellow behind the desk seemed to be in no apparent hurry.  he handed me a pager.  i looked at him - stone cold in the face - and said i am not sure if he has passed out or is sleeping, but i cannot seem to wake him up so i really hope you will hurry!  i turned and went to sit on a stool and saw a paramedic and nurse dashing our way.  they immediately turned the car seat around and starting prodding baby dax - nothing.  the nurse could not get him to wake up and the paramedic picked up the car seat and headed to the double doors to the er.  i followed.

as i rounded the corner my breath was flowing out of me and i felt like i was gasping for air.  the two of them dashing in front of me made everything seem so much more real - i could hardly take it.  as we entered through the doors and headed to a room things started to get a little fuzzy and i don't really remember what was done or said, but before i knew it daxton was on a stretcher with 8 doctors, nurses, paramedics, and hospital staff surrounding him.  the dr. asked the nurse - you could not wake him? as he took off his footie pajamas - she responded that she couldn't and then within seconds - he screamed (as if to say - holy crap - where are we - where did my pajamas go - and why are you taking off my diaper!). 

they did a thorough check, daxton screaming all the while, and investigated him externally from head to toe.  they listened to the story of how i fell and where his little head hit the ground.  he appeared lethargic, but okay.  they got him gowned up, hooked him up to a heart monitor, and let me sit on the bed and hold him.  once they confirmed he was stable, they told us they'd run a ct scan of his head and neck - but they suspected he had just gotten so scared/shocked/startled that he screamed and cried himself right to sleep.  apparently its pretty common with trauma to the head.  we sat on the bed together and waited for daddy.

my phone was buzzing crazy in the diaper bag, but with daxton's cords and my fear of dropping him, i knew daddy would find his way to us.  within a matter of minutes i saw his shoes coming from under the room's curtain.  it was such a relief to have him here with us.  daddy took daxton and held him on the bed.  i think i was still in such shock it was not all really settling in what had just transpired.  the dr. came back to check on us and told us they'd have him back for ct shortly.  once they confirmed he had not vomited they okayed a bottle and daxy drank the entire thing.  he started getting a little more perky once his belly was full.

they came back to get him for the ct scan and will opted to be the one who'd hold him still during the procedure.  i waited in the room.  however, within a few minutes the tech was back in our room asking me to come with her because daxy was a little squirmy so they needed me to help hold.  off we went.  we got to the room and will was holding dax's shoulders in a pillowcase contraption and i was to reach through the ct machine and hold a wash rag to hold his head in place.  easier said than done.  daxy was fascinated by the pretty green and red lights that danced around while the machine went whizzing by - i think it all reminded him of a baby einstein movie we'd watched earlier this week.  in about 10 minutes we were done and got to head back down the hall to the room to wait for the results.

daxton ended up falling asleep on the bed while we waited for the data.  it seemed like forever until the dr. finally came to confirm that the ct scans showed no issues.  relieved, we started packing up our things so we could head home.  will agreed to take dax and the diaper bag and i headed back to the other car alone.

getting in the car, i started realizing what all had just occurred.  how much worse things could have been - how in a split second things can go from la-de-da to life altering.  the tears - once again - started flowing.  i am not a huge cryer, but i am afraid that when i do actually let myself cry it becomes a hot freaking mess.  it was almost hard to drive through all of that, but a phone call from beth helped me reign it back in.  once the crying was under control the pain started to set in.  i remember thinking at first that i must not be in as bad of shape as i thought because i hit that floor pretty hard and felt fine.  i should have knocked on the fake wood in the console.  first it was the knee cap, then the shoulders, then the back, then the hip - everything throbbing.  i've never been in a car wreck, but this is what i assume it feels like.  once i got home i told will that my hip was really hurting and i showed him where it hurt, but nothing was there.  by this morning its a bruise about four inches long and three inches across.  i have no idea how i got it, what i hit, or when it occurred.  i thought i had a very clear memory of how i plummeted, but apparently not.

the doctor told us to wake daxy once in the middle of the night to make sure he was able to wake up.  he went to bed easily after taking a bottle.  we laid him in his bed and said an extra special prayer over him.  we set our alarm for 2am to get up and check on him.  i took some pain medicine, emailed work to tell them i would not be in to work the next day, and called it a night.  the alarm went off at 2am and will and i both got up to head down the hall to daxy's room.  we slipped in under the cover of darkness and found him softly sleeping.  i touched his hand, then his face, then his back, and he gave me a sort of jerking motion to signal us to let him sleep!  we knew then he was fine and let him be.  i think i slept a lot better from 2:30 to 6 then i had from 11 to 2.

we took daxy to his primary care doctor's office today.  they'd received the ct scans and reviewed everything and gave daxton one more once over.  the dr. confirmed he looked good and he really thought he was 100% fine.  we really felt in our hearts that he was good to go, but just hearing another confirmation certainly felt reassuring. 

i am sure i will be physically sore for a week or so, but it's nothing that won't heal with some rest, arnica, and advil.  my heart was surely traumatized by all of this and i think it will be a much longer time until i can talk about this without crying my eyeballs out.  we're so thankful to God that He was watching over daxy and i as we tumbled yesterday, and hope that something so traumatic never happens to this little fellow ever again.