home study part I

(snapshot of us at my cousin's wedding last weekend.)

friday we headed to the local Bethany office for part one of our three part home study.  like i can somtimes do, i had worked myself up into nervousness (knowing a lot is riding on these interviews).  i could not sleep the night before, gave myself a stomach ache, and overreacted when the check engine light came on AGAIN on the way to the meeting.  thankfully will was driving ahead of me, and for once in our lives he was the calm one - the voice of reason - the one to talk me down.  we arrived to the parking lot early, and by then i was fine.  just being in the car with him, instead of following him gave me the confidence boost i needed to "settle down".

we entered the office and were seated in our social worker's office.  she got us cups of water and we all made small talk before we began the actual interview.  other wise friends who've previously adopted told us that these interviews were just like talking to old friends.  we wanted to believe them - really we did - but we were nervous for some reason that our situation would be the odd ball.  however, they were completely right.  after talking with our social worker for only a little over an hour and a half, we were done.  we'd chatted about our infertility, how we grieved, will's surgery and its impact, how we decided to adopt transracially, how our extended families felt about that, and how we were prepared to integrate the child back into their culture.  all of the conversation - was just that - conversation.  we chatted freely and poured our hearts out, knowing that this path is the right one. 

the second segment of the meeting was the discussion of the "service contract" which is what i had been fearing.  i feel called by God to adopt as many children into my home as we possibly can, but i do not feel led to handle every single possible situation.  we had intense conversations over what we felt we could handle physically, emotionally, and financially.  we tried to be logical in saying "no" now to a situation that we could be unprepared for, rather than having to say "no" to a living breathing baby, a birthmother, and our social worker after a baby was born.  i still have some reservation and feelings of guilt over some of the boxes i marked "no" to, but i felt it was the right thing to do for our first adoption experience - praying that there will be more to come after this chapter is complete.

so dready mcdreaderton has packed up her suitcase and is putting it away for now.  right now i am going to focus on wrapping up a few documents that have been placed in our portal, cleaning our our closets to be better organized, locating the perfect glider rocker, and filtering through thousands of photos for just the right ones to create our profile book.