bronze bird

this baby bird sculpture is one of my favorite possessions.  i purchased him after much deliberation on my birthday in soho in 2008.  he sits on our coffee table in the living room, and i look at him and smile every single day.  i love birds in general, and mostly treasure them for their ability to fly and their chirping.  this little guy reminds me of vulnerability - vulnerability which all of us have, some just more than others.  he seems so helpless as he lays on his back and he often makes me think of how he needs his mama. 

as we prepare for the adoption, and really get into the nuts and bolts of the readings, the answering of questions, and the classes that we need to attend, it reminds me how vulnerable we used to feel about being infertile.  it's not that we never feel sad or never miss that we won't give birth to a baby that will share our dna, but we just don't feel as vulnerable about it anymore.  we feel so comfortable with God's plan to build our family through adoption that we are just no longer fearing the emotions that used to rise up and take over when someone else announced their pregnancy, asked if you had any kids, or wanted to tell you how they thought you could get pregnant.  we're so comfortable in this skin.

i've completed my first run through of the seemingly complex questions of what makes "adri".  now it's off to type up and contemplate the questions regarding transracial adoption that include all of the "what if" questions.  once i have been through everything once, i will run back through it all to make sure it reads like i intended and get it all written onto the original copies.  i asked hubs if he thought he would have his portion of the paperwork done in a matter of hours because he is so amazing at communicating on paper, and he smiled and assured me he would.  there is no way he will have to ponder over this as long as i have - but at least we will both feel good about what we've got when we're done.